Goodbyes

It feels like these last two weeks are one long goodbye. The nursing dorm hosted a nice farewell party for me, which was attended by most of the Christian cell group and several nursing staff. It was very touching, but very surreal. I have worked with and lived with these people for an entire year, and yet in many ways I still know very little about them. I'm sure there are things I will miss about living and working in the nursing dorm. Teaching English has been rewarding and I know I'd be hard pressed to find a more fulfilling job. Yet I never really felt established enough in this position to really feel connected to it. I'm happy with what I've learned and accomplished and have really been blessed by the people here, but it just feels like it's time to move on, if that makes sense. 

Last week we had a retreat for all the volunteers. It was a mix of the newbies, Caitlin, Katie and Aki, the current volunteers Eric and Anisha, and those of us who are leaving, Mai, sarah and myself. We were all given a chance to reminisce and reflect on our time here and to evaluate the position as well as give recommendations on how it could be improved. It was weird to think back to our first "meeting" of this sort when we were all introducing ourselves. 

Then this weekend my friend som organized a farewell party for me. It was a bit weird to have it when I still have several days left in Chiang Mai, but it was also kind of nice as it made it less of a big deal. I don't really like big, emotional goodbyes. I always feel like I'm expected to feel a certain way and I don't like making a big show of my emotions. so I'm always caught between trying to conform with people's expectations and feeling like a big phony or like there's something wrong with me for not getting all emotional. It's not that I'm a robot, I just get self-conscious. 

But now the final goodbyes have begun. sarah and Mai leave for a one month bike trip tomorrow. I said goodbye to sarah, my original roommate, tonight. It reminded me of saying goodbye to Zoe in Franz Josef. I just have this feeling that I'll see sarah again, just like I did with Zoe. I was right that time, so hopefully I'll be right this time too. I'll bid Mai goodbye tomorrow. Thursday will be my final spaghetti dinner (depending on the weather) and quiz night, so I'll say goodbye to a lot of folks there. Then my parents arrive and it'll be the real deal in one short week. It's kind of exhausting. I understand the need to mark these transitions, that it gives closure and all that, but this is why I kind of dislike these events. It's tiring to continually be attending them. 

I was thinking about taking a short trip this week, but I've decided just to hang around town. It'll be less stressful and gives me more of a chance to wrap up any loose ends. I'm glad I have all of you waiting for me on the other side of all these goodbyes.