Talking shop

Four of us were gathered at Payap Coffee for a meeting and, as the conversation wandered, someone mentioned how they hate how the chalk squeeks on the blackboard. 

"Have you tried breaking it?" Anisha suggested.

"Does that help?"

"Yeah, you're supposed to break it in half." 

"some of the chalkboards are so bad, I can't even read what I'm writing. They don't erase all the way." 

"Has anyone used the chalkboard in Room #X? It's awful!" 

It was at this point that I strongly felt we needed to be in a teacher's lounge. Either that or get a life. 

Thai Names

Here we are, a post about what I'm supposed to be blogging about: Thailand. I don't believe I've mentioned what a headache Thai names can be. Luckily I've just had three packed English classes and the attendance record has risen to the occasion. 

You see, most proper Thai names are about four syllables long and impossible to pronounce. Think I'm

exaggerating? Try these on for size: Pattharasinee Buakaow, Phatchareeya Yotphean, Juthathip Pardubsridach, or Issaraporn Thunyakornpongpun. Yikes. Luckily Thai people generally don't use each other's first names, so I don't have to call on students by saying "Yes, Pattharasinee, do you have a question?" No, everyone in Thailand has a nickname by which they are commonly known so that it doesn't take five minutes to say hello to someone. so that should make everything much easier right? Wrong. Unfortunately, these nicknames tend to over-economize and sometimes are, to my ear, indistinguishable from one another. In class today I had Nam, Nan and Nai. That was my small class. In the big classes you often get people with the same nickname. If you've seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," it's a bit like the scene where the father introduces the family to his prospective in-laws. In my Monday morning class I have Baifern, Fern, Jay, Joy, May, May, Neung, Ning, Ning, Bens and Benz. Not confusing at all. Or how about my afternoon class: Amp, Amp, Amp, Aom, Aom, Ploy, Ploy, Poy somjeed, Jeed, Tor, Tor, Ying and Ying. It's like the 13 dwarves from the Hobbit (Dori, Nori, Ori, Bifur, Bofur etc.), except a million times worse. Attendance is a nightmare.  

some of the names have meanings. "Peung," means "bee" for example, "som" means "orange" and "suyai" means "beautiful." Animals, fruits and adjectives are common. For me, this gets kind of bizarre. One of the secretaries on campus has the nickname of “Gai,” which means “chicken.” Everyone calls her P' Gai, because P' denotes respect. First of all, I cannot get my initial reaction of “Guy,” out of my head. Second, I keep getting this image of walking into someone's office in America and saying “Hello Ms. Chicken, how are you today?” Can you imagine? Greeting people with “Hey Rabbit, how are you? Nice to see you Beautiful. How's it going sugar? Have a nice day sweetness.” (All real names!) You'd sound like the world's sleaziest politician. Sometimes I get a bit mixed up. A girl introduced herself to me as “Fai,” and trying to impress her with my Thai knowledge I pointed at a light and said “Fai, like light?” Apparently I got the tone wrong because she tried to explain to me that it actually means carton...?

Then there are the ones of English origin. I had a girl in class today whose nickname was "Nice." Except she pronounced it "Ny," because Thais struggle with the s sound at the end of words. similarly a boy in class had the name of "Arthur," but it sounded more like "Ahtoo." Or “Apple,” except it's pronounced “Appen.” I never know whether to pronounce it the way I normally would or if I should mimick the Thai pronunciation... You get some really weird ones. One of my first students had the nickname of "Air," although for the first few days I was baffled about it because it sounded like "Ayhh." Then she friended me on facebook and I saw that her full name was listed as "Onair sweet"! You get some awkward ones like "Gas," or "Porn." Porn isn't pronounced the same way, but it still takes a certain level of maturity not to laugh. Oh the names I have heard. One student's name is “Beer.” At first, with names like this, it was so hard not to do a double take. “sorry, your name is... Beer?” Now I just smile and take a stab at saying their name. Usually they correct me and I don't have to be awkward and say “sorry, say again?” Oh the names I have mangled.

Anyhow, it's been good fun and I've given plenty of trouble with my own name. Back when I had to go to the hospital the staff were absolutely baffled as to what they should call me. I didn't even recognize that they were calling my name at first. Finally, after a few of these mishaps one of them looked at me and asked “sorry, what is your name?” so I guess it all comes out even in the end.

If I had to pick a favorite, I think I would choose the name recently given to a newborn, "Ing." The baby was named Ing because it is the progressive tense in English. so, doing, walking, learning, working, playing... I think that's a pretty great message to send your kid, and as an English teacher I'm pleased that this child will have a leg up on understanding the progressive tense. 

Have I mentioned I hate shopping?

In 30 minutes it will be the first day of August. It will also be the first day of our "mandatory" conversation classes for the first year English students. Basically, the next five weeks are going to be busy as heck. In an attempt to stretch my weekend just a leeeetle bit longer, I'm blogging. There's a lot I've been intending to blog about, but I guess I just haven't been in the mood. 

Last week was midterms week, which for the students meant a great deal of stress and work while for me it meant a sort of holiday from teaching most of my classes. sort of a calm before the storm. Of course it also meant that I put off actually writing my midterm for "symbolic and critical reasoning" until the last minute. Procrastinators of the world unite tomorrow! But when I actually buckled down and tackled the thing, I must say I was rather proud of the result. My students will never know or appreciate the amount of tender-loving care I devoted to crafting their midterm. The time I spent coming up with reasonable and gradable questions, how I carefully considered everything we'd covered so far and what I thought was most important or what I had taught the most clearly, how I searched the web for identifiable examples of different fallacies or interesting arguments. That midterm is almost like my child. 


This is only the second time I've written a test and while I'm copying the format Ozzie used, I still feel anxious about if it's a reasonable level of difficulty, or understandable. I was even concerned about whether it would take too long or be ridiculously short. Then, afterwards, I have to actually grade the things which is another ordeal. Multiple choice questions are easy, but short answer, of which I had many, are another animal. It's often a question of how generous I want to be, and trying to be sure that all the students are being held to the same standard. But it's over and now I just have to get through the last half of the course, for which I have done absolutely zilch. Oh well, I'll get there. One powerpoint slide at a time. 

This weekend there was a free film festival being put on by the European Council or something like that. I love international films, so I headed over there with Anisha, Eric and his friend Mike to see a Polish film about a magic tree. Okay yes, it sounds rather ridiculous but it was actually an extremely cute, family-friendly movie of the kind that I haven't seen in a very long time. It managed to be interesting to adults without the adult references or humor that many kids' movies in America rely on these days. After this I attempted to shop and failed dismally. More on that later. Kevin, Vicky and sarah's friend Hanna joined us for a second film, "Exit Through the Gift shop" which is a great film about graffiti artists. Or at least, it's supposed to be documentary about graffiti artists. It's kind of hard to explain, but I was thoroughly entertained. It's directed by the notorious U.K. street artist Banksy, who has done  crazy things like create art or graffiti or whatever you want to call it on the Israeli West Bank wall. Anyhow, if you enjoy an off-beat sort of humor and/or think the modern art world is a bit of a joke, you'd probably enjoy "Exit Through the Gift shop." And that is my fifth grade report style review of the film festival. 

If any of you are still with me, the funny cultural stuff starts here. My clothes are getting increasingly gross and the people who interact with me are probably tired of looking at the same handful of outfits. I've needed to do some major shopping for a while. I've been trying to replace some of my stained, unraveling and/or torn clothing with new items, but I've been largely unsuccessful. see, I hate shopping for clothes in the states. I have a very difficult time finding clothes that I would actually want to wear. Unfortunately the problem is about ten times worse in Thailand. After an unsuccessful day of window shopping between films on saturday, I resolved to go to Tesco (kind of like Target, but smaller and not as flash) and really get serious. so early this afternoon I drove over there, the first task on my mind being to get some lunch. 


I still haven't really gotten over my dissatisfaction with Thai food so after perusing the food court for a while and with much guilt I caved and went to the one American fast food chain in the store: KFC. I don't really like KFC. I don't usually go there in the states. But a chicken sandwich sounded like heaven and... and... I caved alright! I'm sorry about all those poor little chickens living miserable lives in factory farms. I'm sorry to have supported an American corporation's invasion of Thailand. I'm sorry for my failure to embrace Thai culinary arts and my willingness to choose unhealthy fast food over any number of cultural food experiences. But I bought that chicken sandwich and heaven strike me down I enjoyed it! I enjoyed it while slouching as far down in my seat as I could while hoping that no vegetarian or anti-corporate-America foreigners would see me. 

My crime committed, I felt sufficiently fueled to face the daunting task of shopping for clothes. I looked for almost two hours and found one pair of shorts that I liked and that fit me. I looked at just about every item of clothing in the store. But for one thing, everything is sized to fit women the size of a pixie. I am just small enough to be capable of fitting into XXL clothing, or maybe XL if I'm lucky and have an empty stomach. The thing is, not all Thai women are actually that small. sure, on average there are a lot more women with petite figures, but I am by no means a giantess in comparison. It makes me feel sorry for truly full-figured women living here. But beyond the difficult sizing issues, the clothes here just don't suit me. T-shirts for instance. I have found a few solid-colored casual t-shirts that I can wear, but if I want anything cute or more interesting, I would have to buy something with grammatically incorrect English and many hearts printed all over it. But casual clothes aren't a huge problem. It's teaching clothes, the required skirt and nice top, that have made life difficult. I would love a few more nice blouses to mix with the skirts I have. I've had to throw out one of my old ones already. But all of the blouses here have overwhelming flower prints and weird frills down the front. Anne of Green Gables would be in heaven considering all the puffed sleeves. When it's not frills, it's oversized bows, or transparent lace that rather defeats the purpose of a shirt. Fake pearls and sparkles that wouldn't look out of place on a ballet costume are also a feature. Animal prints are common. And I've never seen so many polka dots in my entire life. 

The thing is, Thai women can pull it off. It doesn't look at all out of place, especially if they're small and thin. But my white and pink complexion isn't really flattered by the color palettes and patterns in the designs here. If I wore those outfits, I'd look a bit like a lost circus performer. I'll see Thai women wearing these outfits and they look positively classy. But it is beyond my power. 

speaking of my rather noticeable whiteness, as I was leaving the store a little boy riding in a shopping cart spotted me. With the innocence of youth, his eyes grew wide and and he pointed at me with a happy shout of surprise. It made me smile and I waved to him. His grandfather chuckled too and nodded a polite "sawatdi-krap" to me as he passed. Even though Chiang Mai has a pretty high number of expats, I still draw attention sometimes, especially from kids. 

The truth is, white skin is seen as the beauty ideal in Thailand. I'm not sure white and red skin is considered as attractive, which is my general tinge, but light skin, blue eyes and "Western" noses are considered beautiful. some Thai women get tinted contact lenses and at least half the beauty products here promise to "whiten" skin. With their characteristic bluntness about personal appearance, I've heard my students tease their friends about being "dark" or "black." Actually, racism seems like a bit of a problem. There aren't many actual black people here and a common perception seems to be that all black people are dangerous or untrustworthy. I've had a couple of surprising and uncomfortable conversations along those lines. But with regards to the teasing, it's hard to know how to react appropriately. It's the kind of thing that wouldn't fly in the u.s. due to our hypersensitivity about self-esteem. But here, students call each other fat or ugly with apparent good humor. I can't really tell if it's actually hurtful or not. 

And such are a few of my recent cultural observations. I could write more, but it's late and I have a big day tomorrow. 

Music psa

We watched Chocolat during a girl's night recently, which features "minor swing" by Django Reinhardt. Django Reinhardt was a jazz guitarist who, along with violinist stephane grappelli, created a new genre of hot jazz known somewhat unpolitically correctly as "gypsy jazz" or "gypsy swing." It's one of the funnest genres of music there is. I tried to find a somewhat more modern performance of it and found this one from the 2008  Django Reinhardt Festival. Dang these guys have chops.



And then I got carried away and found this video of two talented guitarists who I may just have to research a bit more.



Dear teenage pop artists with bad hair: this is how you play guitar.

short bedtime story

Today I was returning to my room when I ran across an odd scene. A group of students was on the stairs. There were several cameras, one of them was making a strange pose, another was wearing something under her shirt that made her look pregnant. I was intrigued and stopped to watch for a bit.

"Are you interesting?" one student asked. I love it when my students ask me that. I bit back a smile and gave her a confused look. "Exercise for pregnant woman," she explained.

"Oh, I see."

"so, are you interested," another student quipped, raising an eyebrow. I told them emphatically that I was not and received many shouts of laughter. What cheek.

What exactly am I teaching?

The title of "English teacher" is often misleading it seems. As an English Language Assistant, it is my job to help the students understand and communicate in the English language. But in the course of teaching "language" I often find myself teaching so many other things. Today is a classic example. During my afternoon English session, I had two students come in for homework help. They had a reading assignment that they couldn't understand. The passage was about the discovery of America and talked about the "Native Americans," Christopher Columbus, Amerigo Vespucci and Leif Erickson. Could the textbook authors have found any topic more confusing or less relevant to the students' lives? And so it was that I found myself teaching geography and history in the course of my English lesson. 

How do you explain the term "Native Americans" to someone who has no context in which to place the term? What about "Viking"? I had no idea if these concepts were at all a part of my students' so-called "schema." This is something we covered briefly in tesol that affects reading comprehension. With my limited Thai, I knew the word for "country," but not "continent." How could I get the meaning across? Did my students have the geographical knowledge to know about the Bahamas or the Amazon? Perhaps they know the places in Thai, but in English? 

In this instance, I resorted to drawing a lot of pictures. I drew a very rough map of the Americas to help them understand the difference between continent and country. That worked pretty well, but when I tried to draw a picture of a Viking one of the students frowned and asked in an exasperated voice "What is it?" Drawing fail. 

Of course, I think part of the idea is to see how much the students can figure out from context. But so many uncommon terms were used I wasn't surprised they were having difficulty. set sail? set foot? Mainland? Voyage? Extension? Off the coast? How would the students be familiar with these terms? Why would they need to be? Especially at this level, it seems silly. I didn't focus on getting them to understand every obscure phrase. Instead I went for overall meaning. It's so hard to do this without giving them the answers. Homework help can be very instructive, but it's always a dangerously fine line. 

We actually had a lot of fun. They laughed at themselves a lot, which is always a good sign, and my inability to draw well meant they got to laugh at me too, which is even better. Yet I always feel I have to be careful in these situations. When giving meaning to new words or giving a context to something, I'm always aware that I'm not an expert and could be passing on false information. Either that or it could get miscommunicated and the students might get the wrong idea. I think this is part of what makes more PC people nervous, and rightly so. Being a teacher means you have a lot of power to change students' perceptions of the world. You can't teach language in a cultural vacuum and you will rely on your own "schema" to help students understand things. I guess it just makes me feel that I have to be careful. Language, culture and teaching. It's interesting stuff. Add in religion and you can see how challenging and interesting this position has been. 

The other day in chapel we did the story of the prodigal son. I was the prodigal "child" and in order to convey wasteful spending I scattered a bunch of Thai money on the floor. Our team had collaborated on the skit and no one realized until the moment of that this was a cultural faux pas. We didn't think about the fact that the king's picture is on the bills I would be disrespectfully throwing on the floor. Oops. Like I said, interesting and challenging with plenty of opportunities to make mistakes. 

In unrelated news, this weekend was Anisha's birthday and we had a great time celebrating together. Let's just say there was a girl's night involving the movie Chocolat and many brownies. It was a good weekend but I had a really hard time getting motivated this morning. But there are a couple of holidays coming up and I have a four-day weekend to look forward to, so I can't complain too much. 

Guest Music psa

This week's music psa is brought to you by the letter T! For the one and only Trumpet Playing, Espanol Teaching, Tree Climbing, New Zealand Trekking, Terrific Katie Tremayne. Katie's been sending a lot of Tuneful music my way these days and she responded to my music psa survey with a couple of great recommendations. so here they are. The first is Miles Davis performing "Bye Bye Blackbird." I haven't posted any Miles yet so I'm glad that Katie is helping me correct that error. The second is the second movement of a trumpet concerto by lesser known composer Johann Hummel (they're all named Johann!) Thanks Katie!