Decisions, Decisions

 

 "'I've never HAD to make a decision before.'
'Think of it as a challenge,' said Tom, from between pursed lips.
'How do you go about it?' asked Roger...
...'You just- You put together all the- You think this way and that- You make a list- You weight the alternatives-" Tom fell silent. 'I'm a peasant,' he said at last. 'I've never had to make a decision. People like you are supposed to make them for me.'
'What if I make one--and it's wrong?"
'I'm not an expert, but if a decision doesn't work out, my guess would be that you have to make another decision.'
'A SECOND decision?' cried Roger in alarm.
'I'm not an expert, but my guess would be you keep making decisions until you get one that works.'
'That could take YEARS!' said Roger the Toad.
'That's another reason why I don't make them.'

~A Barrel of Laughs, A Vale of Tears by Jules Feiffer

 

(Okay I know this post is cheating since I said I wasn't blogging anymore, but I forgot to link to my final album of Thailand photos. As long as I was posting I decided to share this excellent Garfield Minus Garfield comic and quote from a favorite children's book of mine. Hurray for career planning.) Click on the link below for pics. 

 

Thailand Album #3

There and Back Again

Well I’m back. I’ve traded in my flip flops and  sun block for slippers and sweatshirts. There’s a sharp bite in the autumn air and instead of palm trees with coconuts I’m met with the fall colors when I go outside. It’s been a trip and no mistake. It’s very strange to look outside and see freshly plowed farmland and evergreen trees. My parents’ house is very quiet and peaceful. I’m settling into my sister’s old room for the time being. Mine has turned into a sort of play room for grandchildren, and I’m perfectly fine with that.

I’m unpacking slowly and rediscovering my winter weather clothing. I’ve been fighting some pretty serious jet-lag since my arrival on Thursday. I’ve heard it takes about a day for every time zone, so it might be a while. I’ve been waking up at 5:30 a.m. most days, which for me is unheard of, and I generally crash hard around 2:00 p.m. Today I forced myself not to nap, helped by some leftover honest to goodness freshly ground coffee. Yep, I’m home.

I got to see my siblings and niece and nephew on Saturday. It was wonderful to catch up and see how much the little ones had grown. Well, technically I was seeing my nephew for the first time and let me tell you he is cuter than should be allowed and one of the happiest babies I’ve ever seen (and Gwen was a pretty happy baby so that is saying something). Gwen looks about tall enough to be five years old and, while a bit shy at first, didn’t take long to warm up to the strange new aunt from her unremembered past. I gave her presents. I can’t believe how much she’s talking. She’s amazingly articulate and bright. I got to hear a few more details of my sister’s new teaching job and my brother’s new position with fire dispatch as well as relate some of my own stories in person. It was good to catch up and have the entire family together.

I’m looking forward to reconnecting with old friends in the area. A lot of folks are out of state right now, but there’s a remnant here in Washington and I’ve been trying to give myself something resembling a schedule by making play dates with all of them. Right now there’s not much else for me to do, which is fine because I’m pretty exhausted. It’s going to take some time for me to process everything and re-center myself. And there’s always the dreaded question: What’s Next?

Right now I honestly don’t know. I’m just trying to get back on my feet and adjust to 50 degree weather (yes, I’m freezing, but it’s a wonderful sensation). My short term plan is just to find some sort of job to sustain myself. I’m not too particular as to what. Other than that I don’t have any big plans or goals. I know I need to start looking at my options and making some decisions, and I’ve decided that’s what this year will be for: planning my life. Granted, life and plans don’t generally go together that well, but I can’t just sit around waiting for it to happen. However it’s going to take some time, especially for my indecisive self.

So no, I don’t know what I’ll be doing this year and I don’t have any plans or goals to reach for. I kind of don’t like that, but I’m learning to be okay with it. Jon Foreman, that amazing songwriter whose songs seem to read my mind sometimes, wrote an article recently that I’d like to share here. It’s called “Making a Living” and despite its poetic language, it’s a pretty down-to-earth expression of how I feel. So when people ask me “what’s next?” I’ll probably tell them “I don’t know,” but what I’ll be thinking is “well, I’ll be making a living.”

Thank you all for following my adventures and putting up with my ramblings. It’s meant a lot to know that you guys were out there, reading along and occasionally commenting on my posts. This blog has been a wonderful way for me to express myself and to process through all of my many experiences in the last two years. Yes, the last two years. This blog holds many of the experiences of the last two years of my life. They’re there, online, for anybody to find and read (although they’d have to look pretty hard). I find that to be a bit strange and so I’ve decided, for many reasons, that I’d like to give blogging a break for a little while.

It’s not just for that reason. My internet access is more limited now and I’ll need to devote more time to job hunting. I’m no longer living out of the country so I won’t have as much to write about (not that life will be any less interesting, just that it will be less interesting to read, or maybe just harder to write about). Plus if I do get a job in the area I will feel less comfortable about publishing myself online, not that I wasn’t wary of this before but I felt a little more justified in writing a personal blog overseas than I would here at home. Plus I just feel that it would be good to live less of my life online and to spend less time writing about myself :-). I may pick it up again at some point, but for now I’m signing off. So thanks for reading and I promise that I will be in touch.

Blessings and Peace,

Heidi

Last Days in Phuket

After our mad scramble across the country, our time in Phuket was a lot of sabai sabai living. We went to the beach several times per day, swimming in the ocean and eating fresh seafood at one of the many seaside restaurants.

We did manage to schedule a boat tour of the surrounding coast on Tuesday, our last full day in Thailand. For this we were crammed into a bus with a bunch of youngish Thai people and carted around to various touristy locations. For me the main attraction was just seeing a little more of the surrounding area. I didn't really care too much for the actual stops. The first of these was at a sort of cave with some Buddhist statuary, which was kind of neat, and some very friendly and overfed monkeys, which were also kind of neat. We then got herded onto a boat and went to visit "James Bond Island," which was featured in a James Bond movie in the 70's and which marketing types are still milking for all its worth. Even in the low season it was overcrowded and rather underwhelming I thought, but the boat ride was pretty and it was neat to see a different side of Thailand. We then stopped at a Muslim Thai village, which I think stopped being a legit fishing village a long time ago and is now filled with market stalls selling the usual souvenirs. The village was built entirely on stilts over the water, a la Venice, and we wandered through the residential section, which was made of some pretty nice houses and some not so nice houses and featured a lot of pet cats and caged birds. I couldn't help imagining a bus load of Muslim Thai tourists being dropped off at Fairfield, walking the streets with their digital cameras and taking pictures of Kelly's Thrift and weird lawn ornaments. The locals would be out selling "America" t-shirts and hats, the town mayor pushing to get more tours scheduled to save the town's economy. It made me smile to think of this alternate universe. I felt like a strange sort of intruder, interested, but ultimately finding it weird to think of someone's home as a tourist attraction. We had a good day though, touristy as it was, and I was glad we'd done the tour. 

We had perfect weather for our entire stay except for the very last day. On our final day in Phuket, I woke up to gray clouds and drizzling rain. Usually to get to the beach we had to go on an unglamorous walk past various construction sites before getting to a smaller path sheltered by a tree canopy. It was always kind of refreshing to make your way through this after the initial slog on the pavement in the sun, but after the rain it became something between a swamp and an obstacle course. Once I reached the beach, I hoped that the clouds would disperse, but after sitting it out on my beach towel for a while I gave up hope. The light drizzle was turning into actual rain. The clouds glared down at me menacingly, as if telling me my time was up and it was time to pack for home. I grabbed my things and headed back, tiptoeing around the mud and catching my bag on the barbed wire fence on the right. Yes, Thailand was no longer welcoming and it was time to go. 

We did have one last meal by the beach. I ate a fantastic crab curry with rice and a mango shake to wash it down. Later in the evening we got cocktails and appetizers, enjoying one last evening by the beach. Memories of right before I came to Thailand kept playing in my head: the guy at the spokane airport who told me to try some "dang mo," getting lunch (or was it dinner?) at the Greek/Italian restaurant next to Whitworth with Laura and the book club, saying goodbye to my brother and niece... I can't believe it's been a year. Our taxi will arrive in 30 minutes. soon I will be flying back across the Pacific. Hopefully everything will go smoothly. Can't wait to see home. 

sunday, October 16th

We spent most of  saturday in transit, we spent most of the morning hanging out at the hotel, waiting for 3:30 to roll around so we could head to the sukothai airport. We checked out from one of my favorite hotels in the entire world (seriously people, they had pet rabbits that hopped around the parking lot) and bid farewell to our gracious hosts. The sukothai airport was tiny but super nice with a well-furnished open-air lobby, plenty of free reading material and even complementary snacks. We boarded our small plane and made a seamless transition in Bangkok. 


We arrived in Phuket around 10:00 p.m. on the 15th and got settled in our small but comfy rooms. We were a ways from the beach but beachside accommodation was a bit spendy and it was a short walk away. sunday morning we headed down to the beach for a day of sun and sand, still blessed with some amazingly cooperative weather. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and after swim in the sea I stretched myself out thinking it would be nice to even out my horrendous farmer's tan. What ended up happening is I got well and truly toasted. Let this be a testament to the fact that I DON'T TAN! I knew this to be true but I thought that maybe, just maybe, with spf 50 sunscreen the worst that would happen is I would be just as white as before. Not so. My back turned a lovely shade of magenta and I got to spend the rest of my vacation wincing whenever I changed in or out of my swimming suit. But hey, it's a battle scar, it's what happens when you put a scandinavian in a tropical climate, it's vindication of my sun-phobia this entire year. so yes, it was not a good day for my lily white skin and I'm coming out of Phuket a little on the extra-crispy side, but now I never have to feel pressured to try and get a tan ever again. 


We needed to figure out how we were going to finish the last leg of our trip. After carefully monitoring the flood situation in central Thailand, I thought it would best to avoid Bangkok as much as possible. Therefore we came up with the idea of grabbing the latest flight we could out of Phuket and avoiding staying in Bangkok at all. 


We decided to make a quick trip to Phuket Town in order to finish up some souvenir shopping and sort out our final travel arrangements. We got dropped off at town's day market and had some difficulty finding information about a travel agency or airline office. Finally we broke down and asked the extremely annoying taxi drivers if they knew of a nearby travel agency. Their English was pretty basic and so when I tried to explain what we wanted they kept saying "up to you! up to you!" "I don't know!" I responded. It was getting pretty frustrating. After a few minutes, one of them pointed us around the block and, when continued to look lost, he offered to drive us for a ridiculously high price. I negotiated to make it a round trip fare and a few minutes later we were pulling up to the travel agency named "Up To You Travel." Oh. We had to do a lot of monkeying around in order to reserve our flights as they didn't have a computer system and their credit card machine wasn't working, but we got our reservations and the flight was late enough that we wouldn't even have a very long layover in Bangkok. Back we went to the market, which was crazy and crowded and a cultural experience in and of itself. After only a little bit of that I was feeling pretty drained, so we finished making our purchases grabbed some dinner and negotiated a fare back to the northern side of the island. 

Friday, October 14th

We had to wait for the travel agent to open at 8:30 in order to book our flights, but we got up, had breakfast and began to prepare to leave. When 8:30 finally came, the receptionist made our call for us and this is when we discovered that there were no flights available that day. I suppose we should have forseen this since the floods made flying the only option if you had to travel south. There were seats available the next day but we couldn't book them over the phone, so we hurried down to the agency where I discovered that those flights were also filling up fast. I grabbed the first option I could, which wasn't until the next evening and which would squeeze our beach time considerably. At this point though I was mainly concerned with getting south of the flooding so that we wouldn't miss our final flight out of Bangkok. I figured that if something happened to the Bangkok airport between now and the 20^th, we would be able to work something out, but if we missed our flight because of poor planning it would be a different story.

As soon as I was assured we had a ticket out of sukothai I began to relax a little. I was still a bit anxious that our flight might get cancelled, but I figured we'd done what we could. The travel agency was beginning to fill up with customers at this point, one of whom was a little girl who became enamored with me the moment she walked in. since I was a white person and since white people generally teach English, she assumed I must be an English teacher and decided to practice her English on me. “Thaaaaank yoooouuuu teeeeaaaacheeerrr,” she repeated over and over. It just about killed me it was so cute. I tried to ask her what her name was (in Thai) but she got confused and started asking me what my name was. Then she pretended to be a butterfly. As we left the agency I heard her tell her mom in Thai, “Teacher's going home.” she waved goodbye and I felt considerably less stressed due to the encounter.

Now we had an extra day in sukothai and had to figure out what to do with it. There was another historical park further from the city and the hotel manager (who was a really nice guy) recommended we go there. We had nothing better to do so we went and it was really pretty cool. You could tell it wasn't as popular of a destination and that it was the low season because we were probably the only tourists around. As we approached the park I heard the vendors tell each other “foreigners are coming!”

Again we rented bicycles and cycled around a mostly deserted park. Both my parents seemed to agree that this day was even better than the one before it, so it turned out that our delay was a good thing. There were some truly impressive ruins at this park, which at times seemed pretty removed from civilization. I felt like some sort of 19th century explorer as I climbed overgrown steps up to temple ruins, surrounded by the calls of exotic birds and the musty smell of jungle vegetation. But 19th century explorers didn't have convenient paved paths, old-fashioned one-speed bicycles, or an ice cream cooler waiting for them at the end of the day. 

Thursday, October 13th

Let me begin by saying that I really, really loved our hotel in sukothai and that at this point I was beginning to understand why so many people love vacationing in Thailand. The hotel was really nifty and had a lot of antique items on display. More to the point, the staff was amazing: super friendly, informative and helpful.

The thing about Thailand is you can have a really good experience for not too much money. With an exchange rate of 30 baht to the dollar, everything comes out to be super cheap. I've enjoyed watching my dad go through a different kind of sticker shock as he initially receives bills for hundreds of baht before realizing it only comes out to about $20 or so. Of course, I wouldn't be able to afford much on my “volunteer” salary, but that's what parents are for, right?

I thought one day in sukothai would be enough time to see the ruins in the historical park, which was basically the reason we had come. When we arrived at the park, we were able to rent some bicycles in order to get around, which was a good idea because the grounds were pretty expansive. It was overcast and I was worried about the threat of rain, but this also meant the weather was cooler and cycling in the fresh air surrounded by green trees and old temple ruins was one of the most pleasant experiences I've had in Thailand.

Around noon we began to hear some thunder and so we hurried back to the shelter of the park museum. We managed to time it perfectly because just as soon as we paid our entrance fees it began to pour. We were able to remain nice and dry as we looked at all the museum artifacts and, conveniently, the rain stopped just about the time we had finished.

We grabbed lunch at a street-side place where I tried “guey tiao sukothai,” which is basically a noodle soup sukothai is famous for. It was okay, but a little bland. Then as the weather had cleared we hopped back on our bikes and toured more of the park. We didn't manage to see everything because the grounds were so big, but we caught the major highlights and had a very satisfactory day.

On returning to the hotel it was time to figure out what we were going to do for the next leg of our journey. I had thought it would make the most sense to go to Hua Hin, which is a beach location just a few hours away from Bangkok. Originally we were going to take the train or the bus down there, but the flooding in central Thailand meant this wasn't an option. Luckily both sukothai and Phitsanalok have airports so we decided to book a flight down south. This meant our options were considerably more open and we began to consider whether or not we wanted to try for something further south. Enjoying a leisurely dinner while studying my Lonely Planet guide and considering whether to go to Hua Hin or Phuket has to be one of the most enjoyable decision-making process I've ever gone through. We decided that as plane tickets were cheap and this was our one chance to travel in Thailand, we may as well go for Phuket.

After a perfect day of sightseeing, I relaxed my sore muscles in the pool before heading to bed. “I could get used to this,” I thought. Unfortunately things were not going to continue so smoothly.

Wednesday, October 12th

I had decided to take the train down to sukothai, our next destination. I guess this is a bit weird as it's not as fast as the bus and probably (in retrospect) more hassle. But I love trains and I wanted to do it and my poor parents were too greng jai and too overwhelmed to do anything about it. I had booked 2^nd class tickets but on arriving at the station I learned that there were no 2^nd class seats that day and we would have to take 3^rd class. Well, there was nothing to be done so I got a refund and we climbed aboard. Anisha and Katie came to see us off, which was extremely nice of them as it was 6:45 in the godforsaken morning. We got settled in the carriage, which was definitely bare bones transport. The seats were hard as a rock, there was no air con and one of the windows seemed to be stuck open. My parents were good sports about it all (as always) although I'm sure they were less than thrilled. I, however, was a happy camper as the train began to build speed, rhythmically rolling along the tracks. Trains have an old-fashioned charm for me and there's nothing like traveling in one. After spending a good portion of my childhood in transit, I have mastered the art of scenery-appreciation, and so I put in my headphones, pulled out my camera and began to watch the world go by. It didn't even matter that I hadn't had breakfast.

It began to matter though as we realized there was no edible food to be had for the entire seven hour journey and while I didn't mind this hardship I felt bad for forcing my parents to endure it. As we continued along, the train car began to fill up, making us realize we were more than a little out of place. I headed to the dining car for a bottle of water and when the man there discovered I could speak Thai, he actually shook my hand. Back in my seat next to the open window, I decided to put on some sunscreen. A Thai guy in a camo jacket saw me do this and almost immediately got up and put down the metal “shades” on my window in order to protect my delicate white skin from the sun. It was very thoughtful of him, but it meant I couldn't see anything anymore. But I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I contented myself with my iPod for a while. I couldn't help noticing though that he kept staring at me and after awhile I got too self-conscious and switched seats. Only a few minutes later a Thai woman moved up in order to take my spot. Before sitting down she thoroughly scrubbed the entire seat with a piece of newspaper, making me wonder if I'd left some sort of farang contamination or something. Yet she was very nice and even took our trash from us when she saw us looking for a garbage can. I didn't really want to make this woman throw away my trash as I was perfectly capable of doing so, but she didn't really give us much choice.

Finally we pulled into Phitsanalok around 2:30 p.m., where we would have to catch a bus to sukothai (like I said, probably more hassle than it was worth but I had to do it). On arrival I thought the most important thing to do was find a place to get some food. I didn't imagine we would have to go too far but nothing immediately outside of the station seemed promising. We had eight pieces of luggage between the three of us. Before you start thinking that we are particularly high-maintenance travelers or complete idiots, let me be clear that most of these were carry-on size and that my parents had brought an extra at my request. But it was not particularly fun to wander down the street with them all while the tuk-tuk drivers hassled us. I managed to ask someone where a restaurant might be and he simply pointed down the street and said the word “hotel.” I left my bags with my parents and ran ahead to see how far it was and when I discovered it was only around the corner we managed to make our way there and squeeze inside.

The hotel/restaurant was less than busy as Phitsanalok is not a very popular destination and it is the low season. There was a flurry of excitement when we came in the door and one employee started grabbing our bags while several people seemed to be speaking in rapid Thai. After some confusion I surprised myself by communicating in Thai that we didn't intend to stay but wanted to eat. They were a little disappointed I think but they gave us a table and we were able to order some decent Thai food. I was thanking the heavens above for my intensive Thai classes at this point as their English was pretty much nonexistant. From there it was pretty straightforward to get a songtaew to the bus station, except that we ended up in a tiny vehicle with barely enough room for ourselves and our luggage. I wasn't sure how long we would have to wait for a bus to sukothai but the answer turned out to be about 0.1 seconds. As soon as we arrived at the bus station an attendant hurried up to us shouting “sukothai!” and practically shoved us on a departing bus. That's what I call good timing.

So we made it! When we arrived at the bus station I was able to call the hotel for a free transfer. While we were waiting for this, we were entertained by a small child playing with a bouncy ball. The child soon decided that we were far more interesting and began playing with our luggage. For a moment, I thought he was going to try to come with us! He seemed to like my mom in particular. But his own mom recovered him and our ride arrived. We got settled in our rooms and so our travels began. 

Tuesday, October 11th

For my final day in Chiang Mai I had scheduled a visit to an elephant camp near town. This is something I had already done with Zoe, my friend from New Zealand, but it was fun to take my parents up there. We had a great tour guide who, when he discovered I had been living in Chiang Mai for a year and still didn't have a Thai nickname, took it upon himself to christen me with one. He decided to call me “Malee” for the rest of the tour, which means Jasmine. “It's white, like you,” he said. Once again the weather was perfect and we had a very enjoyable day which ended in bamboo rafting down the river. I had been so worried about the flooding in Chiang Mai the week before and what this might mean for my parents' visit that I was very grateful for the weather we got. In fact, I felt a bit guilty for being so selfish about such a thing when I knew that the floods were far more dangerous and damaging to many people while all I had to worry about was whether or not we would have fine weather for our leisure time. This year has done a lot to take me out of my sheltered American bubble, but I am obviously still a spoiled brat at the end of the day.

During the raft ride, one of our “captains” started asking me questions and I was able to have a conversation with him in Thai that basically used up most of my vocabulary. I really didn't get many chances to practice my conversational Thai this year because I was usually either teaching English or hanging out with native English speakers, so it was fun to actually apply what I'd learned. In fact, many of the places I've gone I've overheard people turn to each other and remark “she can speak Thai!” which is utter bull but still good for my ego.

What with all my activities, I hadn't had much of a chance to arrange a final goodbye with my coworkers, not to mention Esther and Rob. So on returning we worked out a way to meet Esther and Rob for dinner and then I resolved to try and meet up with the other volunteers, who were celebrating a birthday. It was good to officially say farewell to Rob and Esther, who have in so many ways shaped my experience of Chiang Mai and who I owe so much to. I will miss working for Esther, who was less like a boss and more like a mom, and I will miss Rob's curmudgeonly presence. I will miss hanging out at their house and their amazing suppport and guidance. They are the ones who ultimately made this year possible for me by creating this position. I have gained so much through it and am very thankful. But all things must come to an end and so I turned in the keys to my motorbike and received goodbye hugs despite my contagious condition. I'm really pretty awful with goodbyes under normal circumstances and in this instance I think I was even more quiet than usual.

By this time it was pretty late so I decided to head back to the dorm with hopes the other volunteers would swing by. I walked my way back from the Nawarat Bridge, a familiar walk for me, while reflecting on the year. I wasn't disappointed when I returned. After a few minutes of packing, Katie informed me that the other volunteers had come to say goodbye. We spent some time shooting the breeze outside the gate of the nursing campus. My friend som took one look at me and said, “Don't cry.” “I'm not,” I replied matter-of-factly, which was apparently not the correct response because then she got offended and hit me over the head. Again people insisted on giving me hugs, so if the entire team has pinkeye I refuse to take any responsibility. I also made sure to say goodbye to Jew, my former student and coworker, and to Yaweav, the nursing student who had so kindly shown me around when I was new and confused. Then I finished packing my things and prepared for an early departure in the morning.

Monday, October 10th

I left my parents to their own devices this morning as I had several errands to run. I needed to visit the Immigration Office for one more check in, sort out my bank account (did I mention I also lost my bank card right before my parents came?), visit the doctor, and arrange our transportation out of Chiang Mai. I managed to get everything done except the last task before noon, when I met my parents for lunch and we sorted out what to do for the rest of the day. I had been wanting to visit the museum, but unfortunately we discovered it was closed on Mondays (Of course. Are you sensing a pattern here?) so we decided it would be best just to take it easy so we could go souvenir shopping that evening. For dinner I was going to take them to a neat restaurant I knew of by the river, but it also was closed, probably due to the previous week's flooding so we ended up eating at the market. Otherwise the weather really didn't inconvenience us much. 

Shopping with my parents was an interesting experience because it was so different to be treated like a tourist and so fun to surprise the vendors with my knowledge of basic Thai. I did my best to haggle with them for cheaper prices, but while I generally failed to get much of a discount I was always guaranteed to get a smile. During this entire trip it has been fun to inform people that I've lived in Chiang Mai for a year and to show off a little bit of my Thai. People on the tourist circuit are generally very surprised and pleased. 

sunday, October 9th

I had a full day planned for sunday, so I was very dismayed to find that both my eyes were red when I woke up that morning, which meant I probably had pinkeye. Lucky me. Of course that would happen at the beginning of my two weeks of travel. I reluctantly reached for my glasses, which are not quite the right prescription, and mentally altered the day's plans to include a visit to my most favorite place in Chiang Mai: McCormick Hospital. After meeting my parents for breakfast next to the east gate of the city, we all took a songtaew back up to the hospital where I discovered that the eye clinic was closed on sundays. Of course. Well there wasn't much I could do except continue with my day's itinerary, so we hailed another songtaew to take us over to Chiang Mai University where we chartered another one to take us up Doi suthep, Even though my health wasn't cooperating, the weather certainly was and we had a beautiful day for sight-seeing. After visiting the temple on the mountain, we continued up to the Phuphing Palace to look at the gardens. Unfortunately not much seemed to be in season, but it was still pleasant to be out of the city and up in the cooler, fresh mountain air.

That afternoon I had planned on attending Chiang Mai Community Church with my parents, both so they could visit it and so that I could say goodbye to people, but we were pretty tired by the time we made it back from Doi suthep. I didn't particularly want to spread a pinkeye epidemic around Chiang Mai's Christian community and, probably more to the point, my vanity didn't really give me a desire to go and interact with lots of people. I didn't really want my last impression on anybody to be me looking like something out of a zombie movie. Really the entire time I had pinkeye was pretty miserable as I felt like I should have been ringing some kind of warning bell and possibly shouting “Unclean! Unclean!” at intervals. This was also the day that I found I had shared my unfortunate affliction with my roommate, so I basically felt like a terrible person and a menace to society.

After a nap, I chose to take my parents to a restaurant on the roof of the Pornping Hotel (Are you laughing at that? What are you 12?) We had a beautiful view of the city at night and it was dark enough that no one could see my eyes. Getting there was a bit of a trick and we ended up taking a three-wheeled “Tuk-tuk,” which was a new experience for my parents, who were only just getting used to Chiang Mai's ubiquitous songtaews. After dinner we went to check out the sunday night market, but I was tired and neither of my folks are really into shopping, so after a brief look we called it a day.

saturday, October 8th

My parents were scheduled to arrive early on saturday, October 8. Mai had found a really good deal on a very nice hotel in town that her mom had stayed at, and so I made reservations for them there and arranged for an airport pick up. I was pretty anxious and excited the night before their arrival as I hadn't seen them in a year and as there was so much to sort out regarding our travel plans, not to mention the prospect of saying goodbye to everyone in Chiang Mai and the looming job search that will greet me when I finally make it home. I didn't sleep well that night and when I woke up that morning I noticed that one of my eyes was bloodshot. Choosing to ignore this unfortunate and forboding symptom, I hurried down to the hotel where I anxiously awaited my parents arrival, only to discover that their original flight had been cancelled and they wouldn't arrive for another hour or so. So I went back to my room and took a nap before driving back down to the hotel where I was able to greet my parents and make sure they got settled okay.

It was strange and a little surreal to have my parents staying in Chiang Mai. After they'd had a chance to rest and recover from their long flight, I took them up to the nursing campus where we had lunch at my “usual” restaurant and I showed them around my adopted home. Then we went back to the Old City and did a brief walking tour of some of the highlights of the city. It was fun to show off my knowledge of Chiang Mai and see my parents' initial reactions to Thailand. We had a bit of difficulty making it back to the hotel, but we made it in the end and arranged a time to meet for breakfast in the morning. 

Goodbyes

It feels like these last two weeks are one long goodbye. The nursing dorm hosted a nice farewell party for me, which was attended by most of the Christian cell group and several nursing staff. It was very touching, but very surreal. I have worked with and lived with these people for an entire year, and yet in many ways I still know very little about them. I'm sure there are things I will miss about living and working in the nursing dorm. Teaching English has been rewarding and I know I'd be hard pressed to find a more fulfilling job. Yet I never really felt established enough in this position to really feel connected to it. I'm happy with what I've learned and accomplished and have really been blessed by the people here, but it just feels like it's time to move on, if that makes sense. 

Last week we had a retreat for all the volunteers. It was a mix of the newbies, Caitlin, Katie and Aki, the current volunteers Eric and Anisha, and those of us who are leaving, Mai, sarah and myself. We were all given a chance to reminisce and reflect on our time here and to evaluate the position as well as give recommendations on how it could be improved. It was weird to think back to our first "meeting" of this sort when we were all introducing ourselves. 

Then this weekend my friend som organized a farewell party for me. It was a bit weird to have it when I still have several days left in Chiang Mai, but it was also kind of nice as it made it less of a big deal. I don't really like big, emotional goodbyes. I always feel like I'm expected to feel a certain way and I don't like making a big show of my emotions. so I'm always caught between trying to conform with people's expectations and feeling like a big phony or like there's something wrong with me for not getting all emotional. It's not that I'm a robot, I just get self-conscious. 

But now the final goodbyes have begun. sarah and Mai leave for a one month bike trip tomorrow. I said goodbye to sarah, my original roommate, tonight. It reminded me of saying goodbye to Zoe in Franz Josef. I just have this feeling that I'll see sarah again, just like I did with Zoe. I was right that time, so hopefully I'll be right this time too. I'll bid Mai goodbye tomorrow. Thursday will be my final spaghetti dinner (depending on the weather) and quiz night, so I'll say goodbye to a lot of folks there. Then my parents arrive and it'll be the real deal in one short week. It's kind of exhausting. I understand the need to mark these transitions, that it gives closure and all that, but this is why I kind of dislike these events. It's tiring to continually be attending them. 

I was thinking about taking a short trip this week, but I've decided just to hang around town. It'll be less stressful and gives me more of a chance to wrap up any loose ends. I'm glad I have all of you waiting for me on the other side of all these goodbyes.