In which I accidentally commit a major theft

This morning I was dozing in bed, in denial about the start of another day, when Katie returned from an early breakfast with symptoms of food poisoning.

"Heidi? I just came back from the restaurant next door and I feel like I've got food poisoning, could you do  me a favor?" she asked.

"Huh? Wha? What's going on...?" I mumbled incoherently.

"I feel like I've got food poisoning and I need you to do me a favor."

"Oh no! sure, what do you need?"

Katie managed to explain that she had been eating at the restaurant next to the dorm when she suddenly felt very sick. she had slapped some money on the counter and hurried back to the dorm as fast as possible and now she needed me to fill up a couple of her water bottles and retrieve her new motorbike from outside the restaurant. I quickly performed the first task and then showered and got dressed before heading next door fetch Katie's bike. Katie had just purchased the bike, a red Honda Dream, the morning before. It was supposed to be in the alley next to the restaurant. I turned the corner and, sure enough, there was Katie's bike parked next to the restaurant. I put in the keys to unlock it and then, as it's a bit more complicated to start than what I'm used to, I pushed it back to the nursing dorm and parked it next to my bike.

After this I went for a late-morning walk to Bake'N"Bite for a nice sunday brunch. I took my time eating and then moseyed back to the dorm, not looking forward to all the prep I had to do for this week's lessons. Katie seemed a lot better and I told her where her bike was and that I needed to go to the library for a little while. I grabbed my things and drove to the main campus, did some work, checked out a book I needed and then came back to put the finishing touches on this week's lesson plan.

I had just entered my room when the phone rang. It was one of the house mothers. It was difficult to understand what she needed, but I made out that she had a message for me from security and it had to do with a bike. I had accidentally left my bike in the no-overnight-parking zone not too long ago and thought I was in for a lecture. Finally she made it clear that security wanted me to come downstairs so they could speak with me. Uncertain as to what this was all about, I went and found that a handful of people were circled around my bike in the dorm parking area. One of the students was there and started asking me questions in broken English. All I could figure out was she wanted to know why I had a red bike now. I explained that it belonged to my friend Katie, and why I had come to get it. I wondered what the problem was. They kept saying the word "restaurant" and indicating the bike. Yes, I had gotten it from the restaurant because Katie had left it there. What was the deal? Then, somehow, either because someone found the right word or because I recognized one of the restaurant employees standing in the circle of people, I realized the mortifying truth. I had taken the wrong motorbike.

A few moments of me covering my face, saying "oh my gosh," and apologizing repeatedly in Thai and in English followed while everyone else began to laugh. They wanted to know where the keys were because I had locked it. Well, Katie was no longer in the dorm but I told them I would go call her and fled the scene. I contacted Katie and found out she was at Esther's, but by the time I returned they must have brought their own keys because they had moved the bike. One of the house mothers insisted on taking me to the restaurant where we found Katie's bike, parked much further up the alley. I was able to prove that the two bikes were the same color and model. Then I went back and got my own bike and picked up Katie. We had a good laugh about it and I'm sure it's only a matter of time before the story gets around to the rest of the dorm staff and all of my coworkers.

I mean, on the one hand it's quite a good thing that it was one of the employees' bikes. They at least knew who I was and where to find me. On the other hand, I may never be able to eat at that restaurant again. Or at least not for a week. 

Untranslatable Words

I had an inexplicable urge to look up untranslatable words tonight. It's something we were talking about a loooong time ago and I always meant to look it up and never did. so I Googled it and found a couple of lists and a blog called betterthanenglish.com These are words that cannot be translated accurately in one word in English. Many of them are words that identify with, although some are just words I found funny. I'll leave you to guess which is which. Anyhow, I wanted to share so enjoy!

I was inspired to include this in a blog post after reading this word:

Dépayser, French - The feeling of not being in one’s home country. Disorientation due to experience of unfamiliar surroundings. A sense in which one is “a fish out of water”.

As it turns out the French are pretty good at expressing things.

Dérive, French - An aimless walk through the city streets.

L’esprit d’escalier, French - The feeling you get after leaving a conversation, when you think of all the things you should have said. Literally translate to “the spirit of the staircase”.

Rire dans sa barbe, French - Literally, “to laugh in your beard”. To laugh to oneself quietly while thinking about something that happened in the past. (The question is, do they have a word for the weird look people give you after you do this?)

Tartle, Scottish – The act of hestitating while introducing someone because you’ve forgotten their name. (Ahem, I may or may not have experienced this recently...)

Scunner, Scottish - Expresses annoyance or disappointment. e.g. “My motorcycle has a flat back tyre, what a scunner.” “What a scunnersome wee boy that is, always misbehaving.” (Don't you want to experience annoyance or disappointment now just so you can use this word?)

Wabi-Sabi, Japanese – Much has been written on this Japanese concept, but in a sentence, one might be able to understand it as “a way of living that focuses on finding beauty within the imperfections of life and accepting peacefully the natural cycle of growth and decay.”

Tingo, Pascuense (Easter Island) – Hopefully this isn’t a word you’d need often: “the act of taking objects one desires from the house of a friend by gradually borrowing all of them.”

Parea, Greek - Used to describe a group of friends that gather together purely for the enjoyment of each other’s company. The time between visits does not matter, the spirit between them is the same. (You know who you are.)

Pena Ajena, Spanish - Shame experienced on behalf of another person, even though that person may not experience shame. (Cross-cultural interactions made this an easily recognizable concept for me.)

Latah, Indonesian - Uncontrollable habit of saying embarrassing things. (I'm sure I often cause other people to experience Pena Ajena.)

Attaccabottoni, Italian - A boring person who corners people and tells long, sad tales.

Kreng Jai, Thai - Literally “deferential heart”. The desire not to see a friend go to any special trouble on your behalf. (The word that sparked my interest in untranslatable words.)

Moit, scottish - Pretended indifference/shyness while speaking about a thing one is very keen for.

Ladramhaiola, Irish - An Irish language term roughly translated as “wasted day”.

Gattara, Italian - A woman, often old and lonely, who devotes herself to stray cats.

Dostoprimechatelnost, Russian - A place you can take notice of a hundred times. It is generally translated as a “point of interest”, but it means much more.

Jibaku, Japanese - The act of unintentionally or inadvertently demolishing your own argument in the process of defending your view.

Nubie Yom, swahili - Literally translated as “finger farm”. The home, business, or especially the farm of a person who never finishes projects but rather points out (hence, finger) where he or she intends to start new projects and where things will go in the future.

Gökotta, Swedish - To wake up early in the morning with the purpose of going outside to hear the first birds sing.

Betsubara, Japanese - Loosely translates to “extra stomach”. It is generally used to describe a female who always has room for dessert.

And of course it wouldn't be my blog without some German.

Torschlusspanik, German – Translated literally, this word means “gate-closing panic,” but its contextual meaning refers to “the fear of diminishing opportunities as one ages.” (Yay! A word I can use after I'm too old for a quarter-life crisis!)

Waldeinsamkeit, German - The feeling of being alone in the woods.

Backpfeifengesicht, German - “A face badly in need of a fist.” We’ve all met or seen that person whose face is just begging to be introduced to fist. The Germans were just smart enough to make a word to describe them.

Stammtisch, German - A social gathering of friends, specifically at a bar, to talk about life. (I very much want a stammtisch with you all with I get back.)

Fernweh, German - A strong longing to be away, to go somewhere. (My chronic problem in a nutshell. Thanks Germans.)

Things you cannot do on an airplane

As part of today's conversation class, my students had to come up with a list of things you cannot do on an airplane. Here is the list they came up with.

1. ride a horse
2. boxing
3. cooking
4. take a bath
5. smoke
6. play cards
7. drink alcohol
8. make noise
9. drive a car
10. fart

New Arrivals

They're here! The new volunteers all flew in on Thursday night and a big group of us went to the airport to welcome them. They're coming at the same time as the new Thai studies exchange students, so there are a lot of new faces around campus.

Having new folks around has already changed the dynamics of life here considerably. There's a new level of excitement both from the new volunteers and on our side because we're excited for them. I also feel a new sense of purpose in my job. My primary responsibility is shifting from being a resource for the students to being a resource for my replacement so that this new team can continue with this work. It's interesting to watch their initial reactions to Payap and Chiang Mai. It reminds me of my first few weeks here and how much I have grown in understanding life in this part of the world since then. In some ways, it's difficult to remember what it was like when I first arrived. Things that were novel then have since become familiar. But at the very least I'll be able to answer some of their questions.

We have a good mix of folks. Two of the new volunteers are here from Grinnell College and are taking over from this year's Grinnell Corps Fellows. The other two are the new CVs and will join Anisha and Eric on the team after sarah and leave. One is from Idaho and the other is a fellow Whitworth alum. (Hi Caitlin if you're reading this (-:  ) There's also another, current Whitworth student here as part of the Thai studies program. It was interesting to talk with him about the university and how it is changing. He's the first Whitworth student who has actually come as an exchange student to Payap.

It's been a big couple of days for me and I think I was just about as tired as the jet-lagged newbies by the end of today. It feels like I've been going non-stop ever since chapel on Thursday morning. The new volunteers have had a packed day of orientation while I've been running back and forth between responsibilities. Basically, I think everyone's ready for a rest.

Talking shop

Four of us were gathered at Payap Coffee for a meeting and, as the conversation wandered, someone mentioned how they hate how the chalk squeeks on the blackboard. 

"Have you tried breaking it?" Anisha suggested.

"Does that help?"

"Yeah, you're supposed to break it in half." 

"some of the chalkboards are so bad, I can't even read what I'm writing. They don't erase all the way." 

"Has anyone used the chalkboard in Room #X? It's awful!" 

It was at this point that I strongly felt we needed to be in a teacher's lounge. Either that or get a life. 

Thai Names

Here we are, a post about what I'm supposed to be blogging about: Thailand. I don't believe I've mentioned what a headache Thai names can be. Luckily I've just had three packed English classes and the attendance record has risen to the occasion. 

You see, most proper Thai names are about four syllables long and impossible to pronounce. Think I'm

exaggerating? Try these on for size: Pattharasinee Buakaow, Phatchareeya Yotphean, Juthathip Pardubsridach, or Issaraporn Thunyakornpongpun. Yikes. Luckily Thai people generally don't use each other's first names, so I don't have to call on students by saying "Yes, Pattharasinee, do you have a question?" No, everyone in Thailand has a nickname by which they are commonly known so that it doesn't take five minutes to say hello to someone. so that should make everything much easier right? Wrong. Unfortunately, these nicknames tend to over-economize and sometimes are, to my ear, indistinguishable from one another. In class today I had Nam, Nan and Nai. That was my small class. In the big classes you often get people with the same nickname. If you've seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," it's a bit like the scene where the father introduces the family to his prospective in-laws. In my Monday morning class I have Baifern, Fern, Jay, Joy, May, May, Neung, Ning, Ning, Bens and Benz. Not confusing at all. Or how about my afternoon class: Amp, Amp, Amp, Aom, Aom, Ploy, Ploy, Poy somjeed, Jeed, Tor, Tor, Ying and Ying. It's like the 13 dwarves from the Hobbit (Dori, Nori, Ori, Bifur, Bofur etc.), except a million times worse. Attendance is a nightmare.  

some of the names have meanings. "Peung," means "bee" for example, "som" means "orange" and "suyai" means "beautiful." Animals, fruits and adjectives are common. For me, this gets kind of bizarre. One of the secretaries on campus has the nickname of “Gai,” which means “chicken.” Everyone calls her P' Gai, because P' denotes respect. First of all, I cannot get my initial reaction of “Guy,” out of my head. Second, I keep getting this image of walking into someone's office in America and saying “Hello Ms. Chicken, how are you today?” Can you imagine? Greeting people with “Hey Rabbit, how are you? Nice to see you Beautiful. How's it going sugar? Have a nice day sweetness.” (All real names!) You'd sound like the world's sleaziest politician. Sometimes I get a bit mixed up. A girl introduced herself to me as “Fai,” and trying to impress her with my Thai knowledge I pointed at a light and said “Fai, like light?” Apparently I got the tone wrong because she tried to explain to me that it actually means carton...?

Then there are the ones of English origin. I had a girl in class today whose nickname was "Nice." Except she pronounced it "Ny," because Thais struggle with the s sound at the end of words. similarly a boy in class had the name of "Arthur," but it sounded more like "Ahtoo." Or “Apple,” except it's pronounced “Appen.” I never know whether to pronounce it the way I normally would or if I should mimick the Thai pronunciation... You get some really weird ones. One of my first students had the nickname of "Air," although for the first few days I was baffled about it because it sounded like "Ayhh." Then she friended me on facebook and I saw that her full name was listed as "Onair sweet"! You get some awkward ones like "Gas," or "Porn." Porn isn't pronounced the same way, but it still takes a certain level of maturity not to laugh. Oh the names I have heard. One student's name is “Beer.” At first, with names like this, it was so hard not to do a double take. “sorry, your name is... Beer?” Now I just smile and take a stab at saying their name. Usually they correct me and I don't have to be awkward and say “sorry, say again?” Oh the names I have mangled.

Anyhow, it's been good fun and I've given plenty of trouble with my own name. Back when I had to go to the hospital the staff were absolutely baffled as to what they should call me. I didn't even recognize that they were calling my name at first. Finally, after a few of these mishaps one of them looked at me and asked “sorry, what is your name?” so I guess it all comes out even in the end.

If I had to pick a favorite, I think I would choose the name recently given to a newborn, "Ing." The baby was named Ing because it is the progressive tense in English. so, doing, walking, learning, working, playing... I think that's a pretty great message to send your kid, and as an English teacher I'm pleased that this child will have a leg up on understanding the progressive tense. 

Have I mentioned I hate shopping?

In 30 minutes it will be the first day of August. It will also be the first day of our "mandatory" conversation classes for the first year English students. Basically, the next five weeks are going to be busy as heck. In an attempt to stretch my weekend just a leeeetle bit longer, I'm blogging. There's a lot I've been intending to blog about, but I guess I just haven't been in the mood. 

Last week was midterms week, which for the students meant a great deal of stress and work while for me it meant a sort of holiday from teaching most of my classes. sort of a calm before the storm. Of course it also meant that I put off actually writing my midterm for "symbolic and critical reasoning" until the last minute. Procrastinators of the world unite tomorrow! But when I actually buckled down and tackled the thing, I must say I was rather proud of the result. My students will never know or appreciate the amount of tender-loving care I devoted to crafting their midterm. The time I spent coming up with reasonable and gradable questions, how I carefully considered everything we'd covered so far and what I thought was most important or what I had taught the most clearly, how I searched the web for identifiable examples of different fallacies or interesting arguments. That midterm is almost like my child. 


This is only the second time I've written a test and while I'm copying the format Ozzie used, I still feel anxious about if it's a reasonable level of difficulty, or understandable. I was even concerned about whether it would take too long or be ridiculously short. Then, afterwards, I have to actually grade the things which is another ordeal. Multiple choice questions are easy, but short answer, of which I had many, are another animal. It's often a question of how generous I want to be, and trying to be sure that all the students are being held to the same standard. But it's over and now I just have to get through the last half of the course, for which I have done absolutely zilch. Oh well, I'll get there. One powerpoint slide at a time. 

This weekend there was a free film festival being put on by the European Council or something like that. I love international films, so I headed over there with Anisha, Eric and his friend Mike to see a Polish film about a magic tree. Okay yes, it sounds rather ridiculous but it was actually an extremely cute, family-friendly movie of the kind that I haven't seen in a very long time. It managed to be interesting to adults without the adult references or humor that many kids' movies in America rely on these days. After this I attempted to shop and failed dismally. More on that later. Kevin, Vicky and sarah's friend Hanna joined us for a second film, "Exit Through the Gift shop" which is a great film about graffiti artists. Or at least, it's supposed to be documentary about graffiti artists. It's kind of hard to explain, but I was thoroughly entertained. It's directed by the notorious U.K. street artist Banksy, who has done  crazy things like create art or graffiti or whatever you want to call it on the Israeli West Bank wall. Anyhow, if you enjoy an off-beat sort of humor and/or think the modern art world is a bit of a joke, you'd probably enjoy "Exit Through the Gift shop." And that is my fifth grade report style review of the film festival. 

If any of you are still with me, the funny cultural stuff starts here. My clothes are getting increasingly gross and the people who interact with me are probably tired of looking at the same handful of outfits. I've needed to do some major shopping for a while. I've been trying to replace some of my stained, unraveling and/or torn clothing with new items, but I've been largely unsuccessful. see, I hate shopping for clothes in the states. I have a very difficult time finding clothes that I would actually want to wear. Unfortunately the problem is about ten times worse in Thailand. After an unsuccessful day of window shopping between films on saturday, I resolved to go to Tesco (kind of like Target, but smaller and not as flash) and really get serious. so early this afternoon I drove over there, the first task on my mind being to get some lunch. 


I still haven't really gotten over my dissatisfaction with Thai food so after perusing the food court for a while and with much guilt I caved and went to the one American fast food chain in the store: KFC. I don't really like KFC. I don't usually go there in the states. But a chicken sandwich sounded like heaven and... and... I caved alright! I'm sorry about all those poor little chickens living miserable lives in factory farms. I'm sorry to have supported an American corporation's invasion of Thailand. I'm sorry for my failure to embrace Thai culinary arts and my willingness to choose unhealthy fast food over any number of cultural food experiences. But I bought that chicken sandwich and heaven strike me down I enjoyed it! I enjoyed it while slouching as far down in my seat as I could while hoping that no vegetarian or anti-corporate-America foreigners would see me. 

My crime committed, I felt sufficiently fueled to face the daunting task of shopping for clothes. I looked for almost two hours and found one pair of shorts that I liked and that fit me. I looked at just about every item of clothing in the store. But for one thing, everything is sized to fit women the size of a pixie. I am just small enough to be capable of fitting into XXL clothing, or maybe XL if I'm lucky and have an empty stomach. The thing is, not all Thai women are actually that small. sure, on average there are a lot more women with petite figures, but I am by no means a giantess in comparison. It makes me feel sorry for truly full-figured women living here. But beyond the difficult sizing issues, the clothes here just don't suit me. T-shirts for instance. I have found a few solid-colored casual t-shirts that I can wear, but if I want anything cute or more interesting, I would have to buy something with grammatically incorrect English and many hearts printed all over it. But casual clothes aren't a huge problem. It's teaching clothes, the required skirt and nice top, that have made life difficult. I would love a few more nice blouses to mix with the skirts I have. I've had to throw out one of my old ones already. But all of the blouses here have overwhelming flower prints and weird frills down the front. Anne of Green Gables would be in heaven considering all the puffed sleeves. When it's not frills, it's oversized bows, or transparent lace that rather defeats the purpose of a shirt. Fake pearls and sparkles that wouldn't look out of place on a ballet costume are also a feature. Animal prints are common. And I've never seen so many polka dots in my entire life. 

The thing is, Thai women can pull it off. It doesn't look at all out of place, especially if they're small and thin. But my white and pink complexion isn't really flattered by the color palettes and patterns in the designs here. If I wore those outfits, I'd look a bit like a lost circus performer. I'll see Thai women wearing these outfits and they look positively classy. But it is beyond my power. 

speaking of my rather noticeable whiteness, as I was leaving the store a little boy riding in a shopping cart spotted me. With the innocence of youth, his eyes grew wide and and he pointed at me with a happy shout of surprise. It made me smile and I waved to him. His grandfather chuckled too and nodded a polite "sawatdi-krap" to me as he passed. Even though Chiang Mai has a pretty high number of expats, I still draw attention sometimes, especially from kids. 

The truth is, white skin is seen as the beauty ideal in Thailand. I'm not sure white and red skin is considered as attractive, which is my general tinge, but light skin, blue eyes and "Western" noses are considered beautiful. some Thai women get tinted contact lenses and at least half the beauty products here promise to "whiten" skin. With their characteristic bluntness about personal appearance, I've heard my students tease their friends about being "dark" or "black." Actually, racism seems like a bit of a problem. There aren't many actual black people here and a common perception seems to be that all black people are dangerous or untrustworthy. I've had a couple of surprising and uncomfortable conversations along those lines. But with regards to the teasing, it's hard to know how to react appropriately. It's the kind of thing that wouldn't fly in the u.s. due to our hypersensitivity about self-esteem. But here, students call each other fat or ugly with apparent good humor. I can't really tell if it's actually hurtful or not. 

And such are a few of my recent cultural observations. I could write more, but it's late and I have a big day tomorrow.