Thirty hours of grossness

Wow, it's been a trip. It all seemed somewhat surreal as I finished packing on Tuesday. After loading my two suitcases in the back of the car and gathering my backpack and purse I felt that it had been a little too easy to pack. I still wonder what I've forgotten. I wasn't even cramming stuff into my suitcases. I almost got away with taking only one. But I really couldn't think of anything else I needed so I went over to visit my brother and niece before heading into Spokane to check my luggage.

My family members are getting to be pros at this. We've found it works well to check the luggage and get boarding passes before going downtown for a bite to eat and then going through security. We ended up at the airport at about 4:00 p.m., which was earlier than planned but that ended up working to our advantage. I asked if I could check my luggage all the way through to Chiang Mai. “No problem” I was told. The desk agent was very friendly, said he had visited Thailand and loved it and tried to teach me the Thai word for watermelon. But after a while he quit with the small talk. Several minutes went by and he started grumbling to himself. I asked if there was a problem and he said that he couldn't find my flight from San Francisco to Taipei. He said it didn't exist. Excuse me? It's true I hadn't reconfirmed it. I had tried but the desk had been closed. Had I just made the dumbest mistake of the year? But I've delt with airlines before. I know their ways. I asked to use a phone and called China Air. They reconfirmed that the flight existed, which I told to the Alaska Airlines agent. He seemed perplexed so I told him just to check my luggage to San Francisco and I would deal with it from there. “Well, okay, but since it's domestic I'll have to charge you a baggage fee.” Of course you will.

So I have four theories. 1) There was a technological glich, causing the flight not to show up in the database. 2) Operator error. 3) This is just how Alaska Airlines operates so that they can charge a baggage fee. I was cynically inclined to this last until I discovered that China Air wouldn't transfer my bags to another airline in Thailand, which makes me think that maybe the problem lies with them. In any case, this little incident managed to upset my cool and I was pretty jittery on the way to Frank's Diner. Traffic was horrid but we made it in time and I had one last meal with my family before going back to the airport to head off for a year. I got to San Francisco without a hitch and was able to find my luggage and the China Air check-in points through my favorite method of navigation: using The Force.

Flying with China Air was a new experience in a variety of ways. The plane itself was an older model and between the faded purple seats and retro television sets it felt a bit like stepping into the 70's or 80's. There were a few other Americans on my flight, but they were mostly older. To give you an accurate picture of what it was like, I will mention that there were several men wearing turbans (Sikhs?) and that I stood out more than they did. My blond hair really makes me show up in a crowd.

I was fairly disappointed that they didn't have the personal entertainment stations on this flight. Instead we were treated to a series of increasingly obscure in-flight movies (English with Chinese subtitles). I listened to my iPod a lot and got more sleep than I usually do, no thanks to the amount of turbulence we had. I don't generally get worried on planes but there were a few moments when I was forced to think about how utterly helpless I would be in a crisis situation. 

I don't do well with overnight flights and was feeling really gross when we landed in Taipei. Of course this was when my seatmate decided it would be a fun time to socialize. I escaped as soon as I could and set off to find a bathroom to attempt rejoining the land of the living. I was pleased to find I only looked half dead (a zombie/human hybrid perhaps?) and after a change of clothes and washing my face I felt somewhat presentable.

Now I had to navigate the Taipei airport, which is without doubt the weirdest airport I have ever been in. There was no gate number on my boarding pass and I couldn't find my flight number on the reader boards so, like a sheep, I blindly followed some people. Not only was it a complete rabbit warren but I kept walking past lines of people in wheel chairs wearing hospital masks, which made me feel a bit uneasy. Then I passed a station where they were monitering everyone's body heat and had to stop to have my temperature taken. I think they were testing for Dengue Fever, which was not reassuring. Finally I found a help desk and was able to locate my gate. 

Time for crisis number two. The flight was late of course, and I did not have much of a time window between arriving in Bangkok and boarding for Chiang Mai. But there was nothing I could do so I boarded, looking forward to a view of Hong Kong, where we had a stop. And then it happened. I ended up sitting next to a Talker. I've been pretty lucky with flight mates lately, so I knew it was only a matter of time, but this guy annoyed me so much I didn't even care about offending him or hurting his feelings. He was an older, unmarried world traveler who had recently retired. Oh, and he was from Yakima which was "a good place to go to church and raise a family, but that's not my thing." Well, maybe it should have been because his personal development was definitely lacking. 

I don't even know where to start. He was one of those people who don't understand social conventions. He started by talking about all the places he'd been to, as though he was trying to impress me. My responses gradually morphed from polite interest to monosyllables while trying to stare out the window. But he didn't stop. He started moving across every range of subjects he could think of. I tried to read my book. "What are you reading? A mystery?" No. Kidnapped, by Stevenson. "Oh, a classic. I have some classics with me. Nothing too deep." If you have something intelligent to say about Stevenson go ahead, otherwise stop talking about yourself please. That was kind of how he was. Everything went back to him. He was obviously a lonely traveler but I felt no pity. He did not get the hint when I went back to my book. He then moved on to politics and religion. My favorite part was when he started talking about the elections and how he hoped things didn't go back to the Republicans and then started bashing the U.S. "I shouldn't really talk about politics but..." No sir. You shouldn't. Not if you're going to make blanket statements without backing them up. I could have challenged his opinions but I don't think he was capable of discourse and debate. He then moved to religion. I could have had another theological conversation with an old man but I'm afraid I decided not to engage because I'm pretty sure he would not have listened to a word I said. He just wanted to rant about how awful Christans are. I have often lamented that my face betrays my emotions so easily, but apparently it failed me this time. I need a readerboard that would express my true feelings. Please stop talking. Can't you see that I'm clearly not interested? For the love of mike you are the most annoying person I have ever met while traveling! 

After we reached cruising altitude I was able to escape to watching Toy Story on my entertainment center. "What are you watching? They don't have any good movies. Have you seen Obscure Independent Film?" Elitists drive me crazy. He eventually subsided into commenting about how it was too bad he hadn't been upgraded to business class because it was so much nicer and you usually had better conversations there than in economy. I nearly choked on my chicken from suppressed laughter at this remark. 

Okay, I've devoted too much space to Annoying Man. As I've mentioned we had a stop in Hong Kong. I love looking out the window while landing and taking off. I'm kind of like a little kid. I just can't believe I'm actually flying in this metal thing with wings. But the magic was gone with Annoying Man present, criticizing every facet of the location. ANYHOW the ridiculous thing was we had to get off the plane with all our stuff for "security reasons" and go through Hong Kong airport before going back to our exact same seat on the flight. It was a circus. There were two China Air employees yelling Bangkok as we got off the plane. When they identified me as a passenger for Bangkok they gave me a special boarding pass and slapped a sticker on my chest, which felt kind of invasive. I then had to go chasing after a flight attendant along with several other bestickered passengers. It was like a parade of branded cattle. Then we stood in a long line and reboarded, now running even later than before. 

Needless to say I didn't have high hopes of catching my flight to Chiang Mai. I figured I could catch another flight or bus, but was worried about the people who were supposed to pick me up and who I had no way to contact. After landing in Bangkok I booked it to the baggage claim, except I couldn't find the proper one. The setup was really weird and I had to ask for help. Then I had to go through immigration before I could pick up my bags, which I thought was unusual. After finding my luggage, I couldn't find a way out to the domestic terminal. After rushing past hoards of people with signs I ran into a security officer who wouldn't let me go any further and directed me to "Aisle Four." Okay. I went the direction she indicated but couldn't find any "aisle." An airport employee noticed me and after a short conversation I discovered I really needed "Level Four." I found Thai Air and was waiting in line when an employee approached me (again) and informed me that domestic flights checked in at a different location. Of course. So I went there and explained my situation. But the Thai Air people were really wonderful and amazing and changed my flight free of charge. I thanked them profusely and was a recipient of the "wai" in return. The wai is kind of a bow with your hands together. They were seriously awesome. When I got my boarding pass at check-in, I waved it at the girl in customer service and she laughed. Oh, and I should mention I didn't have to pay any fees for my luggage. Stupid Alaska. 

Now my only problem was contacting Esther. Stupidly I had not brought her phone number. I was wondering about wireless access when I noticed some computer stations with phones. It was like an answer to prayer, but I needed change. I'd gotten some baht on arrival but they were all bills. There was a duty free shop close by though, and they helped me after a very long and confused conversation in broken English. They also were wonderful and thus far I was liking Thailand a lot. I managed to contact Esther, but sadly my new flight was delayed and we spent a long time on the tarmac. Even so Thai Air is one of the best airlines I've ever flown with. It was a one hour flight, but instead of a measly box of pretzels we got a "snack box." It was amazing. Croissant sandwich. Yummy juice. Coffee. A brownie. So legit. 

And so I arrived in Chiang Mai, exhausted and with the greasiest hair you can imagine. Think of the longest camping trip you've ever taken without showering. It was worse than that, I guarantee it. But Esther was waiting for me along with two other CV's with a welcome sign. And so my adventures in Thailand begin.