Murphy's Law

This is an ode to yesterday, possibly one of the most challenging days of my entire existence. But first we'll start at the very beginning.

Tuesday was the beginning of TESOL training and I now know what TESOL stands for. Huzzah. Apparently TEFL stands for Teaching English as a Foreign Language and is for teaching English abroad. TESL stands for Teaching English as a Second Language and is for teaching English to non-native speakers living in English-speaking countries. TESOL stands for Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages and is replacing TEFL and TESL as a kind of umbrella approach. 

Classes are, for the most part, very interesting and practical and I'm learning how much I don't know about my own language. I'll give you a quiz sometime. So far I've had three instructors, two of whom are Brits which pretty much makes everything better. The classes are special for the CVs and GVs so there are only the six of us (Ozzie has already been certified). I've never thought about a lot of the things we discuss and grammar is kicking me in the butt, but I am enjoying it. Mostly. Sometimes it's kind of boring. The schedule's pretty intense though. 9-12 four days a week and a couple of hours in the afternoon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays with classroom observations on Mondays. 

The rest of Tuesday was spent in preparation for the "surprise" English class we were starting on Wednesday. We spent a lot of time looking at online resources for games but really we had no idea what to expect and no idea how to prepare. The only materials we'd been given were these archaic packets that might take up half an hour each at most. Classes are two hours at a stretch for ten days, five days a week. Yep, that's 20 hours of English teaching. 

Ajaan (professor) Philip promised to give us some ideas Wednesday morning and we pretty much ended up changing our entire lesson plan Wednesday afternoon. After TESOL we split for lunch and then reconvened at the dorms for an afternoon of nerves and lesson plans. It was decided we should move to the library, so we began to walk that direction. And that's when all hell broke loose. 

I always have to have a crisis. Always. Part of the sidewalk was very wet and muddy and slick. You know what's coming. Mai gingerly stepped over it warning us to be careful. I recognized the danger and began to edge my way across, but despite my best efforts gravity would have its way. I had a flashback to when I was hiking in New Zealand with Katie and Sara and fell in the mud. Both times everything slowed down and despite my best efforts I couldn't stop myself from falling. I landed on my back, hit my head on the wall, bruised my elbow, skinned the palm of my hand and got mud smeared all over my nice clothes (I'd worn something especially nice in honor of my first day of teaching) and backpack. It. Was. Mortifying. I have had many undignified moments in my life. That was possibly the worst. 

Sarah and Mai were sympathetic and Mai offered to lend me some of her clothes while Sarah went on ahead. I went back to the dorms feeling very self conscious and then tried to clean myself up in Mai's bathroom. Mai lent me a new skirt and top and I tried to clean up my backpack too but it still smells like a swamp. The water even bled through and got my papers and sheet music wet. Why me?

But I changed and tried to focus on lesson planning, even though all I really wanted was to go back to my room and take a hot shower. 5:00 arrived and found me in my classroom embarking on my first classroom teaching experience with minimal training and no idea what to expect. Let me tell you, it is extremely unsettling. 21 students registered for my section, of which a grand total of three showed up. I took attendance, constantly having flashbacks to high school and college and thinking of every single teacher I have ever had and pretty much freaking out that I was the one in front of the classroom and in charge. 

I wasn't prepared for the low level of comprehension and speaking ability my students were at. All of my activities, including Ajaan Philip's, were geared for too high of a level. My students couldn't even understand my instructions. But it wasn't a complete disaster, even though it felt like it at the time. We played a ball toss game to practiced introducing ourselves and then I tried another activity using name tags, which is when I discovered how little they could understand me. From there I tried everything I could think of to fill in the time  with little success. My students were extremely nice and respectful, but they were also painfully shy. I had no way of knowing what they would understand and every time I asked them a question they would just blush and then start laughing with embarrassment. Plus it was awkward to be hovering over them when they were only three people. 

I needed time to think, so I had them do some writing (I don't remember what) while I tried to think of how to communicate with them. I ended up moving four desks into a square so that I could sit down with them and from then on it was hit and miss. I felt unprofessional and unprepared because I was coming up with things on the spot and forgetting things and probably embarrassing them every time I asked one of them a question that they didn't know. At one point I did the very thing I'd dreaded and knocked my phone off my desk so that it fell apart. One of my students quietly put it back together for me, but I felt like I had lost any shred of respect or authority I might have had. I was so awkward! Things improved slightly when I had them write and then ask me questions about myself at which point they asked me things  like what my favorite Thai food was, which forced me to try to speak in Thai. They thought this was hilarious and so I'm afraid I spent some class time asking them how to say things in Thai. I really think it made them more comfortable because they saw me making mistakes. So that relaxed the atmosphere. 

I know you'll all say positive things about this, but I cannot convey how very painful and awkward it was at the time. I felt so self-conscious and could not stop thinking "what the heck am I doing up here!?" I let them go five minutes early and stumbled out of class to find that many of the others had had similar experiences. But my day wasn't over. I've taken on a theology student getting her masters and had scheduled a tutoring session with her (at my request) after trying to edit one of her papers. So it was back to my campus without any dinner and still in Mai's clothing where I ran to library and was still half an hour late. My student was very forgiving though and even asked me if I'd eaten anything and then gave me some snacks(!) She is a sweetheart. We worked until the library closed at 9:00 but still weren't quite finished so this morning I got up at 7:00 a.m. and met with her at 7:30 to finish helping her with her paper before another long day at the other campus. 

So really, I am exhausted right now and should be sleeping. It was a huge relief to get back to my room and shower (finally) and change. Today I did not fall in anything or drop anything, but my markers did run out of ink and one of them fell apart in my hands and got ink everywhere. 

But despite everything, I'm feeling really good right now. I'd forgotten what it was like to be busy like this. To have absolutely nothing left and still have to keep going. You'll think I'm sick but after several months of inactivity it feels good. And I'm learning. Rapidly. And I will always remember my first day of teaching. I can't think of much more that could've gone wrong.