Now that I spend a great deal of time conversing with non-native English speakers, I often wish that there was another person around to witness all of the funny moments that occur. Alas, I am usually the only witness, and so it often happens that I find myself quietly chuckling at some unfortunate malapropism or making a humorous aside that I then have to spend 20 minutes trying to explain, usually without success. You'd think I'd learn, but I just can't help it. And sometimes it can really get me into trouble.

 For instance, the other day three of my students went shopping and bought new dresses. I came downstairs to find them trying on their new clothes in the living room. One of the girls had not bought a dress, and her friend was trying to get her to borrow one. 

Student 1: Please! I think it will look good on you.
Student 2: No, no, no, no. I don't want.
Student 1: Yes! Please try! (Proffers dress).
Student 2: No, no, no!
Student 1: Please, take off your pants!
Me: Gee, if I had a nickel for every time I've heard that...
Students: ???

 See that? That was unnecessary. But I never learn. Fortunately the whole "if I had a nickel" concept was so complicated that I never managed to get through the explanation and they never realized how scandalous I was.

It was a scandalous sort of day, though, because just after that little exchange they informed me that they had accidentally tried to buy clothes at a maternity store. I so wish you could hear them tell the story. It's so much better the way they express themselves. They have this halting way of talking as they try to think of vocabulary, which lends a certain amount of suspense to the most commonplace of sentences. (e.g. "So, today...I thought...I think that, mmmmm, maybe, we will go...ahhhh...downtown.") It's so exciting when they finally finish the sentence. I want to congratulate them on their achievement. (If you think I'm being patronizing, the street goes both ways. You should hear them cheer my feeble efforts in Japanese, which basically amount to "There...are...is...dang it let me start over. There is...a...tee. Tree!" After which the students cheer. No really.)

I'm getting off topic. Maternity store. So, in an approximation of their words, "We went in and we thought...everything is a little bit, mmmm, bigger? Then the salesperson asked me, 'will you have a baby?' Then she said, 'Everything in this store...dadadadadadada.'" (This really made me laugh because it was so much better than if she had simply said "we didn't understand the salesperson.")

 After it became clear that they (the students) didn't understand, the whole sales team got in on the action, repeating the word "pregnant" and making illustrative hand motions. Sadly, I was not there to witness it, but then, it never would have happened if I had been.