Homesickness

Don't get concerned! This blog title is simply an honest reflection of the reality of living abroad. You will get homesick. It is part and parcel of the experience. It is almost one of the reasons to travel: because you come to appreciate your home that much more. But it's also one of those things that people who haven't lived abroad for an extended period of time can't really understand completely.

I'm writing about it now because 1) I'm officially one month in. This is when (in my prior experience) the reality starts to set in that this isn't just a long holiday and you start to become fatigued by all the things that are different. The excitement kind of wears off. 2) There have been a lot of events lately that remind me of home, friends and family. 

This is my second holiday season away from home in a row. I won't deny that it's a bit tough. Not that I didn't consider that going in. I've had many holidays at home and I will have many more, so it's worth it. But I still get that pang of regret when I think about being away. 

Thanksgiving was better than last year's. Esther had everyone come over and we had a potluck dinner of traditional Thanksgiving foods. It was gigantic and it was amazing. A group of about 25 American expats were there and it was great to be surrounded by people and laughter. But for me, the holidays are no longer so much about the traditions and the food as they are about being with the people I love. There's no substitute for that. So it was still kind of bittersweet and hollow. And the pies were not even close to being as good as my mom's. Still, it was better than spending it alone with a tv dinner watching the news, which IS what I did last year. So I was appreciative. Also, I've really missed using a knife and fork. It's the little things.

This weekend was also graduation weekend for Payap. Graduation is different in Thailand because they actually wait for their official diplomas, which means that students wait for like a year after they finish their studies and come back to walk in the ceremony. I should have taken some pictures of campus because it was nuts. Like Whitworth, there were flowers placed everywhere, but in addition to this there were cardboard signs and Hollywood-style letters scattered in random places that said variations on "congratulations." It's definitely different. Also, there were random arches and cardboard backdrops scattered around for photo opps. Yes I am serious. All the graduates and their families would run from spot to spot snapping about a million photos. You couldn't walk anywhere on campus without being in the line of fire. 

The actual ceremony was held on campus at a sort of outdoor but covered stadium. It was not a very big space, so I watched the proceedings from outside with a few of the others. The random thing though was that half of the seats in the stadium were occupied by potted plants. There were all these people queued outside and screens set up while inside a large number of perfectly good seats were taken up by vegetation. Oh Thailand. 

We didn't stay to watch the whole thing as it was in Thai. But we watched the procession before leaving to go check out a local market. I couldn't help thinking of my graduation though and of Whitworth in general, so I wasn't really that into looking at the stalls. 

On a more positive note, I'm starting to get to know a few students here. The day after graduation, one of the nursing students, I'll call her Nong, offered to take me to the Sunday night walking street in Chiang Mai. This is one of Chiang Mai's many weekend markets, but also one of the best ones. Nong (a general term meaning something close to younger sister) negotiated a red bus for both of us and I got to see just how much more they charge farang (foreigners). I would have had to pay three times as much to go half the distance we went. But Nong is a true Chiang Mai local and has promised to show me all the ins and outs of the city, which is pretty nice of her. I'll just have to be careful not to neglect spending time with the other students as well as I feel like the few I have gotten to know are more outgoing and could easily monopolize my time. 

The walking street was very crowded and filled with street musicians (some better than others, most playing unrecognizable instruments, a few playing kazoos) and performances. I got to see some traditional Lanna puppetry as well as a Japanese parade and performance because a Japanese festival was going on. It was all pretty interesting, but communication was a bit of a struggle and intercultural interactions are stressful regardless so I was pretty tired when we returned. 

Regarding said interactions I'll give a couple of examples. Both when I went to the walking street and when Anisha and I took our English Conversation students out to dinner the students have insisted on getting the bill. Thais don't really split the check. Whoever is of higher status is supposed to pick up the tab, which was my plan BOTH times as I am technically "pih" or "older sibling" or even "ajaan" which means professor, to them while they are all "nong" to me. However possibly because I am foreign they insist on paying for my food, which is okay when it's something small but they are students and I know what it's like to live on a student budget. After going around food stalls and having Nong pick out various items and pay for them I finally managed to pay for our orange juice and I must say she seemed a bit relieved. It's so difficult because you have to do it in a way that doesn't make them lose face. 

Food is also awkward because I can't politely decline anything they offer me. So when Nong innocently suggested I try fish-stomach soup, I did my best to disguise my unenthusiasm but didn't quite succeed. However, upon trying it I decided it wasn't all that bad. Weird, but not disgusting. I was however relieved when she passed up the fried bug stand. 

Another awkward interaction happened when I set my purse on the ground. Apparently this is a big no-no for Thais. The ground is dirty and they would never set any of their personal belongings on the floor. So Nong hurriedly snatched up my purse and set it on the table. "Pih Heidi, the ground is dirty!" she exclaimed. 

"Farang don't care," said her friend, who is engaged to a British guy. "My fiance does it all the time." 

Nong was absolutely perplexed and I couldn't explain to her why it wasn't a big deal for me to put things on the floor. Granted, maybe it should be, but I've been doing so for 23 years and I'm still perfectly fine.

Another cultural note is that twice a day, every day, they broadcast the king's song, which is basically the national anthem. If you are in a public place and can hear it, you are expected to be silent and stand still. I hadn't yet encountered this but sure enough at 6:00 p.m. on Sunday suddenly some anthemy sounding music began to play and everyone stopped what they were doing. Also, pictures of the king are everywhere. Absolutely everywhere. Offices. Restaurants. Parks. Everywhere. That goes double for educational institutions, which usually have an oversize portrait displayed at their entrance. Payap has it's share of these photos.

One of these days I will get around to taking some pictures of campus. I think they would be different from what you might expect. TESOL classes are still going and will continue through the end of next week. I'm done teaching for the time being but now trying to structure what my and Sarah's duties will be on our campus. It may seem selfish and lazy, but I really just want to finish TESOL and then launch into new stuff after Christmas break. However I think the staff on this campus don't think we do anything all day... 

As I've mentioned, appearances are of the utmost importance in Thailand. What's important is that you give the impression of being busy and accomplishing something, even if you just sit at your desk and do nothing. But Sarah and I haven't had a chance to be over at this campus during the day and to be honest we're not contributing that much right now. But it's because we're being trained! Gah! However, this doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you weren't told about a meeting or event. What matters is if you don't show up. But at least Thais are also forgiving. So far I haven't forgotten anything major so hopefully I'll get in some desk time soon and put my official boss at ease.

Loy Kratong

Last weekend was Loy Kratong, which is a crazy awesome Thai festival. In trying to write about it, I find that I can't quite do it justice. "Loy" means float. "Kratong" is the name of what they float. They're kind of hard to describe. They are about the size of a plate and made of banana leaves and "wood." They are usually many colors and have candles and joss sticks. The purpose of the festival is to honor the river by floating the kratong on it. This is interesting because all the kratong end up as a lot of debris in the river, so it doesn't make 100% sense to me. However it is a very beautiful festival and a lot of fun. Not only do people float kratong with candles, but they also light up the sky with fireworks and lamps. The lamps were maybe my favorite part. They are kind of like miniature hot air balloons and literally filled the sky all weekend. It is so gorgeous and almost eerie. Imagine looking up in the night sky and seeing the stars move around. It kinda looked like that.

The preceding week was marked by an increasing number of premature fireworks in anticipation of the big event. The actual festival went for four nights, starting Friday. I had originally planned to head up to Mae Jo with my roommate Sarah and her friends, but things didn't work out transportation wise so I ended up hanging out with the other CVs down by the Mae Bhing River.

I remember talking with someone about the Fourth of July and laughing about how Americans celebrate their independence by blowing stuff up. Well, let me tell you folks. The Fourth of July is positively tame compared to Loy Kratong. We have cute little fireworks shows in controlled, "safe" settings. But I think I've explained that safety is a foreign concept here. So people just set off fireworks at random all over the city. And by that I mean they just light them, hold them in their hands, and point them in whatever direction they want to. I can't believe the entire city wasn't set on fire. It was madness! But it was also loads of fun.

We went down to the river purchased our own lantern (the first of several) and a handful of relatively tame fireworks. I might mention that these were technically contraband, but the cops only seemed to shut down people whose fireworks were excessively unsafe. Which was a rather liberal guideline. Down by the river people were launching their kratong and fireworks while on the bridge many people were lighting lanterns. There were rows of market stalls selling kratong and plenty of fireworks stands. We found a spot and took turns launching our fireworks over the river (they were the kind you swing around and throw, they're pretty fun and fairly harmless). Some of us were better at this than others. I hid behind a tree when I wasn't the one throwing. We succeeded in getting our lantern to take off. Unfortunately we almost set a tree on fire in the process. But never mind. By the end of our attempts, the Thais sitting nearby seemed relieved that we were leaving.

Since we'd just received our paycheck, the others all wanted to go get massages. Massage is very popular here and the others are regulars at one of Chiang Mai's establishments. I am not a big fan of strange people touching me, but I went along anyways. I guess I can see how some people would find it relaxing, but I still don't like strange people touching me. I kept flinching and I think my masseuse got annoyed with me. So I don't think I'll be going back. They are expensive anyways.

I think it was about 2:00 a.m. when I got home, which continued to be the norm for the rest of the weekend. The problem with late nights on the weekends is that the nursing dorm has a curfew. Luckily Esther has opened her home to all of us and we are welcome to spend the night there when we need to. I pretty much lived there for the entire weekend.

 Saturday was more of the same, only bigger. All the lights and sounds were intoxicating to the point of being overwhelming. There were food stalls everywhere selling everything imaginable. I should have taken more pictures. I bought a coconut drink that was simply coconut juice inside a carved coconut shell that was maybe the size of a bowling ball. It was so good. But they also had shishkabobs and noodles and seafood and teas and ice creams and even fried bugs. I did take a picture of that. It was like a huge carnival. There were people everywhere and all around the constant boom of exploding fireworks while lanterns hovered above.

Sunday we again went down to the river and this time bought kratong to float on it. But the closer we got to the water, the crazier things were. I remember a firework (an m-80 perhaps?) going off so close to me that I could feel the blast. This happened a couple of times. Ozzie got hit in the head with a firework, but luckily it wasn't the kind that exploded and the sparks didn't burn him. Nawarat bridge was insane, crowded with people looking at the river and the sky. We went up to the top of the Porn Ping (a common name) Hotel to look over the city which was incredibly gorgeous with fireworks going off all around. It was great to get a better view of the skyline. Chiang Mai is a small city (about 200,000 people live there) however it FEELS big because during the day about half a million people work there.

On the final day, Monday, there was a huge parade featuring amazing floats and various Thai costumes. We had Conversational English class until 5:00 but afterwards a group of us went to check it out. At first we just stood on the sidelines, like you would at a parade back home. It was frustrating though because people kept crowding in front of us and running into the middle of the parade to take pictures. The police had to keep pushing everyone back to the sidewalk. The parade was so long and moved so slowly that we decided to walk along the route so we could see everything. To give you an idea of the size of it, it started at 6:00 p.m. and went until midnight. Earlier that day we ran into a couple of students at lunch. "Teacher, tonight we walk from six to twelve" they said. We thought they meant they were taking a walk and had gotten confused in their English. No, they meant they were in the parade and literally were walking from 6:00 until midnight. I felt bad for them.

Being at the parade made me feel like a little kid again. The Lilac Parade in Spokane used to be one of my favorite events growing up. We walked so far that my feet felt like they were on fire and my knees felt like they were going to buckle by the time we made it back. But it was so worth it. I tried to take lots of pictures but it was really challenging in the dark and with the crowds. I wish I'd taken more of the costumes, which were stunning. I felt like I was in the movie "Anna and the King."

So yes, I had an insane amount of fun although I also feared for my life at certain points. Every weekend from now on is going to be a bit of a letdown after that one. The following pictures of us lighting our langern are courtesy of Glory Crocco, Ozzie's younger sister.

My own snaps can be found on facebook. Here's the link.

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2048604&id=59401445&l=780a092abb

Also, if you want to learn more about Loy Kratong, you can click here. 

TESOL and a few notes

We'll start with the few notes.

1. Hello Kitty is insanely popular here. To the extent that Hello Kitty motorbikes are a fairly common sight in parking lots.

2. Safety? What's safety? Thailand's approach to "safety" is like their approach to traffic laws. Today I witnessed a family of three riding on one motorbike. The child was probably around three or four years old. None of them were wearing helmets.

3. I saw a gigantic rat in the street today. Seriously. This thing was the size of a small cat.

4. 7'eleven, affectionately known as "seven," is ubiquitous. It's like the Starbucks of convenience stores. There is a 7'eleven about once every two blocks. Also, plastic bags are far more prevalent (they bag everything! sometimes separately!) AND there is no such thing as a public trash bin. Forget recycling. And they always give you straws with your drinks. Every. Single. Time. I currently have an unused pile of straws.

Teaching is steadily getting better. We are all learning a lot about language, culture, student psychology, etc. just by teaching. Today for instance I did another team-teaching session (we're learning how to collaborate more effectively). We played a game using question words because I'd noticed that the students had a tendency to mix those up. We wrote questions and answers on strips of paper, but left the question word out so that the students would have to fill it in. We reinforced over and over that who is for people, how is for describing things, where is for places and when is for time. It seemed to work, and we were feeling really great about it. "Good! 'When' is for time," I would say encouragingly. And then, when we had finished that I turned to my colleague and just caught myself before saying "what time is it?" Yeesh.

That's often the challenge with teaching English. You can give a rule, but invariably you're going to have to ask students to break it. On and in for example. When do you use on and when do you use in? That's simple, you're thinking. "On" is when something is on top of something, "in" is when something is inside something. So why then are we "on a train" or "on a plane" but "in a car." If you can give me the rule, I will be eternally grateful. Don't even get me started on at, to, with, which, that or this.

Another thing I'm getting better at is slowing down (but not too much) when I speak and enunciating/separating my words. I'm also more aware of the vocabulary I use when I speak in class and often say things several different ways. This started as an attempt to get my students to understand me, but now I also use it because I think it's good for them to know there are different ways to say the same thing. It's amazing how much you start to notice about your own language when you do this.

Today we were playing a game called "Desert Island" where students are supposed to come up with a list of things that they would want if they were stranded on a desert island. But, before we could do this I had to explain the word "desert." And in doing so I also had to explain the word dessert. When I had explained that "dessert" was a sweet food usually eaten after dinner and "desert" is a place without any water, I again caught myself before saying "desert island." Desert island? You can argue that this is just a shortened form of "deserted island" but does anyone actually say "deserted island"? So after this long explanation about desert and dessert, my colleague caught me and said "and now we're going to play the island game." I imagine that such an abrupt transition from deserts to islands was a bit confusing. :-)

I think my best class so far was yesterday's. I only had two students, but I was teaching solo. They were both a higher level and more confident, so it was a good atmosphere for some more creative games. I had them tell me about football using a diagram. I did a lot of prompting or "eliciting" as it's called in TESOL and it was really rewarding to see them both get into it and try to communicate. I also learned that Thailand has only three seasons ("summer," "winter" and "rainy") and that they call March, April and May "summer." We are going in "winter" right now (I think). The other activity  I was pleased to have success with was a "run-on story." I drew a picture of a man in a boat (this is my default "notes doodle" although I often add a sea monster of some kind. I don't know why. I know. I'm weird.) and had them write a story based on it. They struggled at first but eventually ended up having Jack Sparrow fight a ghost. It was epic.

As a whole I think we're all discovering that they really do know more than they let on. It's just making them feel comfortable, helping them understand and occasionally jogging their memory (jogging their memory - isn't that an odd expression? Also, apparently in Thai you say you are "jumping class" when you "skip class" which sounds weird but when you think about it, skipping is equally strange).

As for TESOL classes, they're going well. For the most part. As I've mentioned, our methods teacher has been particularly helpful. Here's an idea of my schedule. We have class from nine to noon Tuesday through Friday. Tuesdays and Thursdays we also have class from 1:00 to 2:30 in the afternoons. On Friday we have class from 1:00 to 4:00 (and it's my least favorite!) Mondays are reserved for observations. In addition we teach Conversational English classes from 5:00 to 7:00 every evening and I am tutoring a Masters in Theology student on Wednesdays after 7:00. It's full on.

Classes are varied. Methods (basically, how to teach) is twice a week. It's literally saving our butts right now, especially since we don't have library cards yet so we don't have access to any resources. We also have classes in grammar and syntax twice a week. These are my least favorite. It would help if the professor would maybe, I don't know, teach. He seriously just reads out of the book. My favorite quote thus far "I didn't read this beforehand because I wanted to put myself on your level." He doesn't even know the subject matter. Anytime we ask a question he spends ten minutes looking for the answer in the book. I could do that!
But I digress. I think grammar is important. But mylanta. Nouns, pronouns, verbs, adverbs, adjectives, conjunctions and prepositions I can handle. I even understand Subject, Verb, Object. But then we get into adverbials and complements, compound-complex sentences, dependent and independent clauses, finite and non-finite clauses, noun clauses, adverbial clauses, phrasal verbs, verb chains... I guess the attitude is that we we'll probably never be teaching this stuff, so it's not important. But I'd like to know as much as I can. Even if I don't use it, I will be able to use my knowledge of it to teach more effectively.

Thursdays we have "corpus and concordancing" in the mornings (although we only have two sessions of this).  The professor seems like he just walked out of a dusty, old British university and while he may not be the most riveting, this class addresses a lot of things I'd never thought about before. "Corpus" in linguistics refers to a set or collection. Concordance is kind of like agreement as I understand it. So these sessions are basically about what constitutes proper or "correct" English, which is hazy. English is, by nature, always growing and changing so these are tricky issues. I won't go into it here but it's kind of thought-provoking, like pretty much everything else I am encountering.

Then we have phonology, which deals with sound and pronunciation. Sooooo interesting! It kind of ties in with singing. Have you ever thought about the difference between the "b" and the "p" sound? The "b" sound is voiced. That's the only difference. I've been having fun teaching my students to pronounce their "th"s and "z" sounds. Imagine a handful of people all standing around going "thhhhh" with their tongues stuck exaggeratedly out of their teeth. Did you know that Japanese babies and American babies have the same ability to distinguish between "L" and "R"? As they grow up, the Americans develop a greater ability while Japanese people lose this ability.

Anyhow, more another time. It's getting late. I'd like to sign off with a video clip. Today in Methods, we were experimenting with an activity somewhat like 20 questions where the group asks yes or no questions to someone with a picture in order to find out what the picture is. We asked our professor if it was a mammal and he said "yes." After a long string of guessing he gave us a hint that it was a bird. Needless to say we did not hesitate to point out that a bird is not a mammal. Anyhow, it made me think of this video that Katie told me she played in one of her Spanish classes. I wanted to share it, but that would be weird, so I will post it here instead.



"That's okay, I've stepped on my J many times."

I Survived!

My goal this week was to make it to Saturday alive. Well, it's Saturday and I'm alive. Hurray for achievement!

My second day of class went much better as I was able to prepare more appropriately for the level my students are at. Friday though was exhausting and by the end of the day I was ready to collapse. A solid night's sleep has helped me prepare for the weekend. I have several activities to go to, although if I had my way I would just chill and read in my room.

I am really fortunate to be getting TESOL training in conjunction with teaching some English classes. Anisha and Rochell have been here five months and are just now getting the training, so I am thankful to be receiving it right off the bat. Not only that, but having a class to teach makes the material much more real for me and adds to my motivation to learn this stuff, especially when most days I am using whatever I learned that morning in class that same evening.

Some of you may be puzzled as to how I can teach English when I don't speak Thai. I didn't think this would be an issue because I thought the students would be at a higher level, but I cannot give instructions in spoken English because for the most part I just get blank stares. Well, I've been told there is a reason they've stuck a bunch of non-Thai speaking English teachers in the classroom. As I encountered my first class day, Thai students are excruciatingly shy and terrified of making mistakes. Therefore they don't want to take the plunge and try speaking English. Apparently their Thai teachers end up just teaching them in Thai because they cannot get them to communicate in English. We, however, do not have that option so it's either sink or swim. Unfortunately I think the fact that I am a native English speaker makes the students even more hesitant to speak in front of me, but that is why my trying to learn Thai from them was so good. In a sense I got to model for them the behavior I wanted to see by just trying and making (I'm sure) horrendous mistakes.

That being said, I would be having a much tougher time of it if they weren't able to read fluently. After experiencing many painful silences my first class day, I noticed that it helped if I wrote things down. I think there are a couple of reasons for this. First, I'm still learning to slow down when I speak and to pause more frequently. This is more difficult than you might think because one: standing in front of a group of people during a period of absolute silence is terrifying and two: speech is so instantaneous that it is difficult to monitor what words you are using and how fast you're talking. The other reason has to do with the differences between Thai and English. Thai focuses on vowel sounds. If you use a long 'a' sound instead of a short 'a' sound, you end up saying a completely different word. But English is the exact opposite if you think about it. Think of all the different accents in English. What's different about them? The vowel sounds. I can say 'bag' with a long 'a' and still be understood, even if I am mocked for my regional dialect. This would make if very difficult for a Thai speaker to understand spoken English because, as I am learning in TESOL, there is no such thing as "standard" English pronunciation. We like to think of the way we speak as "standard" and of anyone who speaks differently as "deviant." But that's a pretty prideful conception if you think about it.

Another difficulty arises from the tonal nature of Thai. In addition to vowel sounds needing to be exact, Thai words can mean different things based on vocal tone. For instance, the word "mai" can mean "no," "wood," "burn," or "no?" depending on if it is spoken in low tone, mid tone, high tone, rising tone, or falling tone. Luckily, there are only five. I wish I could show you my phonology chart. High rising tone? Rising-falling tone? Yeesh. When Thais try to speak English, they have a hard time with putting stress on the appropriate syllable. More often not, the stress ends up on the last syllable with rising inflection. FeeLING. WatER. HappY. SpeakING. EngLISH. In order to  be understood, many farang have taken to mimicking this style. "TaXI! I GO to marKET. How MUCH?" While this may get the message across, it's harmful in that Thais don't get exposed to naturally spoken English and so it kind of exacerbates the problem. I had even started doing this without realizing it but caught myself after it was brought up in TESOL class. Now I'm hypersensitive to it and cringe whenever I hear it.

After day one of teaching, my primary goal has been to create a safe environment for my students where they feel comfortable speaking in front of each other and in front of me. Our methods teacher, Philip, has been really helpful regarding this by giving us many ideas for games and icebreakers that can be used in the classroom. I've been starting off with a simple "get to know each other" game where you toss a ball around while introducing yourself. I change it up every time so that we progress to greeting the other people in the circle and then saying where we're from etc. It's really great because it doesn't require much explanation and gets them speaking right away.

On day one, I tried to follow this with "the name tag game" which some of you may have played in other language classes. Basically, you write your name and a number that is significant to you or your "favorite" on the top of your name tag and then you draw one thing you like, one thing you dislike and one thing you are good at on the bottom. Then everyone gets up and mingles and tries to guess what everything on the name tag means. I had limited success with this though because it required more explanation. In fact, many of the games Philip recommended proved too challenging for my students because they require them to think on their feet and come up with their own vocabulary. The best I can do is have them write out sentences beforehand which they can then read aloud to one another, but this takes them a considerable amount of time.

Thursday I took a very different approach and used a lot of the materials that Ruth from the women's retreat had sent me. It was actually pretty successful except that they spent so much time writing that they didn't do much speaking AND that I was doing more instructing and less interacting. Friday another CV wanted me to combine classes with her. I was a little nervous about doing this but decided to go along with it. But even so it was okay because I only had two students show up and by combining we were able to have six and do some larger group activities.

My two main challenges are that my students aren't confident enough/don't know enough to provide their own English vocabulary, so I'm struggling with how to find ways to incorporate vocabulary into class activities. The other thing is that the focus is supposed to be spoken English and conversation, but I'm noticing confusion about things like plural nouns, possessives and even simple mistakes regarding verb conjugation. So how much should I address these problems? I mean, not only is it not really the intention of the course, but they're not open enough to receive correction without taking it personally, so it could be counterproductive. However, they need to speak with proper grammar, so it does sort of automatically become part of my responsibility. But then I can't communicate clearly with them, so I'm limited in how much I can teach. I'm trying to find a balance.

But it's a fascinating challenge and I find I can't stop thinking about my students and various strategies that I could use to help them. So yes, I am enjoying teaching in that sense. I know this will surprise some of you because I've always been anti-teaching, but this is for a couple of reasons. One, I've never felt strongly called to teaching and I've encountered enough teachers who were in the profession only because they couldn't think of anything else to do. I didn't want to be one of these. I mean, I think you should really want to be teaching if you're going to take on that role. Especially with music I feel like there's a definite "those who can, play. Those who can't, teach" mentality. Also, I never relished the idea of managing bratty students and I don't really like working with kids. At all. I've lucked out here because I was warned that Thai students are not very diligent and only pay attention when they want to. My students though are wonderful! They are very respectful and are trying hard, even though they are unsure of themselves. So that helps.

I don't yet know if teaching is something I would like to continue doing after this year, either with ESL or music or something else, but it's an option. If I truly feel I have something to offer that students could benefit from then I would be less reticent about teaching as a vocation. I'm still trying to find a place for music, and even music performance, in my life after college so there is that as well. But I am glad to have this opportunity  and am learning a lot.

Also, thank you Google for making me aware that today is Robert Louis Stevenson's 160th birthday.

As from the house your mother sees
You playing round the garden trees,
So you may see, if you will look
Through the windows of this book,
Another child, far, far away,
And in another garden, play.
But do not think you can at all,
By knocking on the window, call
That child to hear you. He intent
Is all on his play-business bent.
He does not hear, he will not look,
Nor yet be lured out of this book.
For, long ago, the truth to say,
He has grown up and gone away,
And it is but a child of air
That lingers in the garden there

Murphy's Law

This is an ode to yesterday, possibly one of the most challenging days of my entire existence. But first we'll start at the very beginning.

Tuesday was the beginning of TESOL training and I now know what TESOL stands for. Huzzah. Apparently TEFL stands for Teaching English as a Foreign Language and is for teaching English abroad. TESL stands for Teaching English as a Second Language and is for teaching English to non-native speakers living in English-speaking countries. TESOL stands for Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages and is replacing TEFL and TESL as a kind of umbrella approach. 

Classes are, for the most part, very interesting and practical and I'm learning how much I don't know about my own language. I'll give you a quiz sometime. So far I've had three instructors, two of whom are Brits which pretty much makes everything better. The classes are special for the CVs and GVs so there are only the six of us (Ozzie has already been certified). I've never thought about a lot of the things we discuss and grammar is kicking me in the butt, but I am enjoying it. Mostly. Sometimes it's kind of boring. The schedule's pretty intense though. 9-12 four days a week and a couple of hours in the afternoon on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays with classroom observations on Mondays. 

The rest of Tuesday was spent in preparation for the "surprise" English class we were starting on Wednesday. We spent a lot of time looking at online resources for games but really we had no idea what to expect and no idea how to prepare. The only materials we'd been given were these archaic packets that might take up half an hour each at most. Classes are two hours at a stretch for ten days, five days a week. Yep, that's 20 hours of English teaching. 

Ajaan (professor) Philip promised to give us some ideas Wednesday morning and we pretty much ended up changing our entire lesson plan Wednesday afternoon. After TESOL we split for lunch and then reconvened at the dorms for an afternoon of nerves and lesson plans. It was decided we should move to the library, so we began to walk that direction. And that's when all hell broke loose. 

I always have to have a crisis. Always. Part of the sidewalk was very wet and muddy and slick. You know what's coming. Mai gingerly stepped over it warning us to be careful. I recognized the danger and began to edge my way across, but despite my best efforts gravity would have its way. I had a flashback to when I was hiking in New Zealand with Katie and Sara and fell in the mud. Both times everything slowed down and despite my best efforts I couldn't stop myself from falling. I landed on my back, hit my head on the wall, bruised my elbow, skinned the palm of my hand and got mud smeared all over my nice clothes (I'd worn something especially nice in honor of my first day of teaching) and backpack. It. Was. Mortifying. I have had many undignified moments in my life. That was possibly the worst. 

Sarah and Mai were sympathetic and Mai offered to lend me some of her clothes while Sarah went on ahead. I went back to the dorms feeling very self conscious and then tried to clean myself up in Mai's bathroom. Mai lent me a new skirt and top and I tried to clean up my backpack too but it still smells like a swamp. The water even bled through and got my papers and sheet music wet. Why me?

But I changed and tried to focus on lesson planning, even though all I really wanted was to go back to my room and take a hot shower. 5:00 arrived and found me in my classroom embarking on my first classroom teaching experience with minimal training and no idea what to expect. Let me tell you, it is extremely unsettling. 21 students registered for my section, of which a grand total of three showed up. I took attendance, constantly having flashbacks to high school and college and thinking of every single teacher I have ever had and pretty much freaking out that I was the one in front of the classroom and in charge. 

I wasn't prepared for the low level of comprehension and speaking ability my students were at. All of my activities, including Ajaan Philip's, were geared for too high of a level. My students couldn't even understand my instructions. But it wasn't a complete disaster, even though it felt like it at the time. We played a ball toss game to practiced introducing ourselves and then I tried another activity using name tags, which is when I discovered how little they could understand me. From there I tried everything I could think of to fill in the time  with little success. My students were extremely nice and respectful, but they were also painfully shy. I had no way of knowing what they would understand and every time I asked them a question they would just blush and then start laughing with embarrassment. Plus it was awkward to be hovering over them when they were only three people. 

I needed time to think, so I had them do some writing (I don't remember what) while I tried to think of how to communicate with them. I ended up moving four desks into a square so that I could sit down with them and from then on it was hit and miss. I felt unprofessional and unprepared because I was coming up with things on the spot and forgetting things and probably embarrassing them every time I asked one of them a question that they didn't know. At one point I did the very thing I'd dreaded and knocked my phone off my desk so that it fell apart. One of my students quietly put it back together for me, but I felt like I had lost any shred of respect or authority I might have had. I was so awkward! Things improved slightly when I had them write and then ask me questions about myself at which point they asked me things  like what my favorite Thai food was, which forced me to try to speak in Thai. They thought this was hilarious and so I'm afraid I spent some class time asking them how to say things in Thai. I really think it made them more comfortable because they saw me making mistakes. So that relaxed the atmosphere. 

I know you'll all say positive things about this, but I cannot convey how very painful and awkward it was at the time. I felt so self-conscious and could not stop thinking "what the heck am I doing up here!?" I let them go five minutes early and stumbled out of class to find that many of the others had had similar experiences. But my day wasn't over. I've taken on a theology student getting her masters and had scheduled a tutoring session with her (at my request) after trying to edit one of her papers. So it was back to my campus without any dinner and still in Mai's clothing where I ran to library and was still half an hour late. My student was very forgiving though and even asked me if I'd eaten anything and then gave me some snacks(!) She is a sweetheart. We worked until the library closed at 9:00 but still weren't quite finished so this morning I got up at 7:00 a.m. and met with her at 7:30 to finish helping her with her paper before another long day at the other campus. 

So really, I am exhausted right now and should be sleeping. It was a huge relief to get back to my room and shower (finally) and change. Today I did not fall in anything or drop anything, but my markers did run out of ink and one of them fell apart in my hands and got ink everywhere. 

But despite everything, I'm feeling really good right now. I'd forgotten what it was like to be busy like this. To have absolutely nothing left and still have to keep going. You'll think I'm sick but after several months of inactivity it feels good. And I'm learning. Rapidly. And I will always remember my first day of teaching. I can't think of much more that could've gone wrong. 

International Day

Wow, it's been a packed weekend leading into a packed week! I've been processing so much it's going to take at least two posts to cover it all. So here we go.

Friday was International Day at Payap and one of the GVs signed us up to participate by giving a performance for the variety show. I'm not sure why we didn't just do an informational booth, but it was a creative way to advertise our services as English tutors. It was decided we would do a dance/skit to Michael Jackson's "ABC." It was actually pretty cute. We began by acting confused/uninterested/bored, then one of the the GVs entered as our teacher and tried to teach us through some dance steps which by the end of the song we were able to do ourselves and were excited about learning. In case the symbolism didn't get across my roommate gave a short announcement at the beginning explaining who we were and what we do.

The rest of International Day was really fun. It was much more authentically international than Whitworth's. There were booths with ethnic foods ranging from Indian vegetarian to Japanese sushi to German bratwurst while the performances were anything from traditional Korean dance to Justin Bieber.

 
This guy was legit! He performed a traditional Chinese sword dance.

I think these are Thai students performing a Korean dance.

Two of my coworkers are in this group. Anisha is wearing "metro Indian" clothes with her jeans and sari. She's the second from the left. May is in the off-white shirt in the center.

And this is Ozzie. Another one of my coworkers. Pretty much says it all. 

So yes, there was that, which would have been a sufficient weekend activity in itself for me, but this weekend was also the international women's retreat. Esther really wanted all of us to go, except my roommate Sarah couldn't because it was her birthday and she had already made plans. However Rochell, Anisha and I left straight from International Day and after a half hour drive to the Suan Bua resort. 

A few things

•  The other day I saw an elephant in the street. (A domesticated one). While this is cool, I guess it's not considered that humane and you're really not supposed to encourage it. But it was still cool.
• I ate lunch in my campus' cafeteria today. I'm hoping to do this on a regular basis to kind of help "break the fourth wall" as you would say in theater terms between me and the students. Today I met a student who grew up in a Hill tribe. She was very nice and helped me navigate the food, which was amazingly awful. I don't even want to know what I ate.
• Speaking of food, I don't know if I've mentioned this little incident, but the other day I was having lunch with the rest of the CVs and we were asking Ozzie what everything was. There was a sort of brown, jelly-like substance on the edge of our plates and when we asked what it was he said "I'll tell you later. Don't eat it." Apparently it was fried blood (or boiled? I don't know exactly how you cook blood). This culinary item is fairly common. Far moreso than I would like. I mean, I'm a pretty adventurous eater. But some of the stuff they eat here turns my stomach.
• I can't believe the outfits they make the nursing students wear. The black skirt and white blouse seems fairly standard, but the actual nursing outfits seriously look like something out of World War II. Or quite possibly World War I. Or maybe even the Civil War. You think I'm being hyperbolic. Trust me I am not. I will try to take a picture sometime.
• I really, really love the novel Kidnapped by Robert Louis Stevenson. Sometimes I go back and read things that I loved growing up and I can't remember what I thought was so great about them. But sometimes I reread things and think: dang I had good taste. It's so good. Read it.