There and Back Again

Well I’m back. I’ve traded in my flip flops and  sun block for slippers and sweatshirts. There’s a sharp bite in the autumn air and instead of palm trees with coconuts I’m met with the fall colors when I go outside. It’s been a trip and no mistake. It’s very strange to look outside and see freshly plowed farmland and evergreen trees. My parents’ house is very quiet and peaceful. I’m settling into my sister’s old room for the time being. Mine has turned into a sort of play room for grandchildren, and I’m perfectly fine with that.

I’m unpacking slowly and rediscovering my winter weather clothing. I’ve been fighting some pretty serious jet-lag since my arrival on Thursday. I’ve heard it takes about a day for every time zone, so it might be a while. I’ve been waking up at 5:30 a.m. most days, which for me is unheard of, and I generally crash hard around 2:00 p.m. Today I forced myself not to nap, helped by some leftover honest to goodness freshly ground coffee. Yep, I’m home.

I got to see my siblings and niece and nephew on Saturday. It was wonderful to catch up and see how much the little ones had grown. Well, technically I was seeing my nephew for the first time and let me tell you he is cuter than should be allowed and one of the happiest babies I’ve ever seen (and Gwen was a pretty happy baby so that is saying something). Gwen looks about tall enough to be five years old and, while a bit shy at first, didn’t take long to warm up to the strange new aunt from her unremembered past. I gave her presents. I can’t believe how much she’s talking. She’s amazingly articulate and bright. I got to hear a few more details of my sister’s new teaching job and my brother’s new position with fire dispatch as well as relate some of my own stories in person. It was good to catch up and have the entire family together.

I’m looking forward to reconnecting with old friends in the area. A lot of folks are out of state right now, but there’s a remnant here in Washington and I’ve been trying to give myself something resembling a schedule by making play dates with all of them. Right now there’s not much else for me to do, which is fine because I’m pretty exhausted. It’s going to take some time for me to process everything and re-center myself. And there’s always the dreaded question: What’s Next?

Right now I honestly don’t know. I’m just trying to get back on my feet and adjust to 50 degree weather (yes, I’m freezing, but it’s a wonderful sensation). My short term plan is just to find some sort of job to sustain myself. I’m not too particular as to what. Other than that I don’t have any big plans or goals. I know I need to start looking at my options and making some decisions, and I’ve decided that’s what this year will be for: planning my life. Granted, life and plans don’t generally go together that well, but I can’t just sit around waiting for it to happen. However it’s going to take some time, especially for my indecisive self.

So no, I don’t know what I’ll be doing this year and I don’t have any plans or goals to reach for. I kind of don’t like that, but I’m learning to be okay with it. Jon Foreman, that amazing songwriter whose songs seem to read my mind sometimes, wrote an article recently that I’d like to share here. It’s called “Making a Living” and despite its poetic language, it’s a pretty down-to-earth expression of how I feel. So when people ask me “what’s next?” I’ll probably tell them “I don’t know,” but what I’ll be thinking is “well, I’ll be making a living.”

Thank you all for following my adventures and putting up with my ramblings. It’s meant a lot to know that you guys were out there, reading along and occasionally commenting on my posts. This blog has been a wonderful way for me to express myself and to process through all of my many experiences in the last two years. Yes, the last two years. This blog holds many of the experiences of the last two years of my life. They’re there, online, for anybody to find and read (although they’d have to look pretty hard). I find that to be a bit strange and so I’ve decided, for many reasons, that I’d like to give blogging a break for a little while.

It’s not just for that reason. My internet access is more limited now and I’ll need to devote more time to job hunting. I’m no longer living out of the country so I won’t have as much to write about (not that life will be any less interesting, just that it will be less interesting to read, or maybe just harder to write about). Plus if I do get a job in the area I will feel less comfortable about publishing myself online, not that I wasn’t wary of this before but I felt a little more justified in writing a personal blog overseas than I would here at home. Plus I just feel that it would be good to live less of my life online and to spend less time writing about myself :-). I may pick it up again at some point, but for now I’m signing off. So thanks for reading and I promise that I will be in touch.

Blessings and Peace,

Heidi